I've been rather quiet lately but it's a busy time of year and sadly I was enveloped in yet another wave. Is this the January blues? After a long, settled period that truly led me to believe I was finally free of the beast, I suddenly found myself suffering total insomnia and the further hell of bedridden days. It was a shock but I breathed, stayed focussed on the positive and strengthened all my previously learnt Coping Tips.
This wave has been pretty relentless and phased in and out on a daily basis. I'm hoping it's given up now and all the necessary readjustments in my brain have been completed. I'm still very weak and dizzy and have this strange sensation that my legs are too weak to hold up my body but I'm walking as much as I can. On the beaches, through the trees and circumnavigating the fields around my home, I'm trying to build up my strength and my confidence. Walking in nature this time has helped me cope with the inactivity of really bad days. It's sometimes hard to keep positive in the face of a torrent of symptoms brought on by another wave but somehow they pass and normality is resumed.
At this stage of nearly 50 months off my worst symptoms happen at night. I still suffer insomnia, stress dreams, hot or cold sweats and anxiety plus numerous toilet trips due to an irritable bladder. I'm sure once my nights normalise so will my days. I am still healing, I don't despair so much now and I've learnt to live in the moment and not dwell on the past or keep looking to the future. Full recovery will happen so I've never lost my certainty that we all heal in time and keep moving forwards whatever the day brings. I very much believe in the plasticity of the brain and its ability to remould itself with the correct input. I still follow my Irene Lyon course and use her trauma healing ideas to help myself.
I hope 2017 brings relief and further healing for all my benzo friends around the world.
Written on Facebook recently........
'My door is always open, kettle is always on and my sofa is always warm (with cosy blankets) and a place of peace and non judgement. Any of my friends who need to chat are welcome anytime. It's no
good suffering in silence. I have wine in the cupboard, tea and coffee too and I will always be here. You are never not welcome!!
Blue Monday is a name given to a day in January (typically the third Monday of the month) reported to be the most depressing day of the year and January the worst month for suicides, it's always good to talk but even better to listen xxx
Could at least one friend, please copy and repost (not share)? I'm trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening. ❤️ '