Live for Today
It's a very busy time for me at present with my imminent move away from Cornwall and back to Hampshire to be in closer contact with my sons and their families. As we're downsizing there's a lot of possessions and furniture to be sold or given away to charity so it's also quite an emotional time. It has to be done and I have no regrets.
One thing I've learnt through the years of my recovery is that no matter what we have to live in the present. There's no point in regretting what may have happened in the past or looking too far forwards into an unknown future. All we have is the present moment and sometimes, during the nightmare of withdrawal from benzos, this moment just has to be lived through the best we can. It's a matter of holding on and not giving into the intense fear and illogical thoughts that dominate our minds. Eventually it all gives up and leaves us in peace to deal with any lingering, minor symptoms that may be a legacy from benzos or just part of the ageing process.
I am much better. I know I've been here before and said the same but this feels different. I'm more stable and coping well during what's a stressful time for most people. The only 'symptoms', if you can call them that, happen during the night. I still wake several times, have poor temperature control and often find it difficult to lie still. My days are normal but I get tired which may just be an age thing, after all I am well into my seventies now and can't expect to be a sprightly teenager any longer much as I'd like to be. I still have life left to live and don't intend to let the past four and a half years of hell prevent me from doing this. Benzo withdrawal has to be in my past. I need to savour every moment I'm given from now on,
Yes, I am well protracted and I know this frightens those that are only just starting their journey. I want to stress that I have many factors that could have influenced this protracted recovery. However, even protracted folk do get better in the end and resume their lives. Never be influenced by what you may read in the benzo withdrawal groups. Always remember that we're all completely different and nobody else in the whole wide world is you with your story, your genetics, your personality and so forth. You are you and may recover quickly in weeks if not months so keep going and keep positive.
Before I finish let me emphasise again that there are no supplements, no further drugs, no herbs, no diet except a healthy one that has in any way hastened my recovery. The brain needs to restore its correct function and there's nothing but time that can do this. You may be able to tolerate supplements etc but there's no way of telling if these are actually hindering your own recovery. The placebo effect is strong and the need to believe something is helping you is a natural part of our human make up. Keep positive, keep believing in the marvellous machine that is your body and brain, keep free of further poisons and you will make it through.