7. Apr, 2014

Present Symptoms

I intend to now write occasionally here as my withdrawal progresses. On this date I'm over sixteen months off my final dose of Nitrazepam on November 22nd, 2012. It's been a rough ride and it still is.


Today I'm in the midst of a wave. I've been suffering this for the last three weeks. It entered suddenly after two weeks of comparative calm and almost normality. My symptoms are intense, unremitting anxiety that have even caused me to spend two nights pacing the house to try and work it off. At these times sleep is out of the question with the restlessness, sweating, rapid heart rate, and sheer, organic fear. I know what it is so I just get on with my pacing, uttering positive affirmations such as 'This too will pass' and 'This is healing'. Eventually I try and settle back down into my bed but sleep is out of the question. I just go into myself the best I can, observe my symptoms and let it all wash over me. The light of the morning is a relief. At these times I can only live from minute to minute as the tsunami breaks and allows some respite with dawn. I must accept and surrender to all that happens.


Nights without sleep like this mean days with drowsiness and pain and unrelenting butterflies set lose in my stomach. I'm tense and anxious and suffering pain in my low and mid back, runny nose, stiffness and a general feeling of 'flu but there is only benzo 'flu ( heat, sweats, stomach problems, sore throat, sweating but no temperature). I am passing the day quietly writing here and keeping calm and as focussed as I can.