FindIng My Feet
It's been nearly a month since last writing here but I’ve been waiting to see what’s happening.This has been a strange period of ups and downs and difficult to assess exactly what my brain is trying to do.
I hit an acute wave on the night of June 21st that echoed the waves of my worst weeks at the beginning of 2013. We had finally managed to get away for a few days in our motorhome. I felt a gradual worsening of anxiety during the evening but things got unbearable the later it got. Eventually I was texting my friend for support to keep me positive. I concentrated on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique of which I will write more later) and needed to pace but space was restricted in the van, no floor available for me to go walkabouts on! I just felt intense panic with many physical symptoms plus pain. I had been reasonably ok for the previous couple of days then this seemed to hit out of the blue. I write in my journal of feeling sick, stomach moving, hot, shaking, dry retching and painful muscles asking myself, “Why, why, why?” Inevitably I had no sleep that night and the next day my husband drove a100 miles like a bat out of hell to get me home as quickly as possible. I always feel safer and more able to cope when at home.
It all went as suddenly as it arrived and apart from occasional reminders I’ve been absolutely fine ever since and even managed a week away, walking and eating out.
I feel that this period is like trying to find my feet and perhaps the intensity of the wave opened the door to my final recovery. I do so hope so. It’s now over three weeks since it happened and I am beginning to feel stronger than I have for several years. I’m reluctant to write more incase this is just another window but it does seem different and so many bad symptoms have dissolved into oblivion. I can only hope they stay there.