22. Nov, 2014

Happy 2nd Benzo Free Birthday

Yes, it’s arrived today. I woke up knowing something was hovering at the back of my mind then the light dawned, its November 22nd and two years ago I finished with Nitrazepam and any other Benzo for good or so I assumed. I must also mention the slight deviation in February 2013 when an emergency doctor insisted I would only get through my acute anxiety if I took something. I was pressurised and succumbed to 6mg of Valium. The rest is history. A bad reaction made me realize I could never touch a Benzodiazepine drug again without extreme consequences.


I can’t believe I’ve been fighting intense withdrawal symptoms for two years now and an escalation of weird panic, anxiety and body pain for the three years previous to that, a total of five years of pain and debilitation. I’m still here and still remain positive that this dreadful syndrome can burn itself out and leave my body and brain free to live a happy life again.


The last four weeks of a beautiful window slammed shut four days ago. I’ve been away in our motorhome and contracted a sickness bug or ate something that caused the sickness and so precipitated a wave. Pacing the van and even outside in the rain was my way through the worst of the relentless anxiety, dizziness and nausea. This lasted about five hours before I collapsed into bed and spent a restless night of intermittent sleep and anxiety attacks. Luckily I was well enough to travel home the next day but a minor accident on the way didn’t help my case much! The Devon roads are notoriously narrow and white van man, travelling in the opposite direction, hit our wing mirror with a hefty bang which took a few seconds for us to register what had happened. The wing mirror suffered but we managed to travel home without further attacks on my CNS.


Since then I’ve been resting and just getting through quietly with the aid of television and reading for distraction. The worst problem is the pain and stiffness. My lower back pain has flared up again and there is a faint anxiety feeling hovering in the background. This is nothing like the acute waves of the past. I believe it’s a new rippling wave rather than the tsunami I suffered at 22 months. I can ride this one relatively easily if it remains at this level.


I am still well on the way to healing and am celebrating my two year anniversary with positive thoughts and determination to keep going until all this passes. It really does better.