I’m now looking at various theories, techniques and so on to try and help me conquer my residual anxiety. After forty years of being ‘calmed’ unnaturally by Benzos I have to retrain my GABA receptors to do this for themselves as they
now have to stand alone, unaided. Anxiety remains my worst and only symptom so this is essential for me to conquer before I can finally be myself again.
I’ve read a lot but don’t want to make a list of all this rather just take what I’ve learnt that’s benefited me and helped me along my final stages of this journey.
We are amazing human beings created from nothing and eventually to return to nothing. But is this really nothing or did we exist in some way before we were born and given consciousness? The most revealing and repetitive answer to this in all I’ve read and listened to on YouTube is that we all came from energy and we all return to that energy. Along the way we assimilate a multitude of habits, thoughts, beliefs, coping systems and so on that make up who we think we are and who others think we are. We are born with no preconceived thoughts we are just a blank canvas of innate intelligence waiting to be painted on through life experiences. Whatever picture goes on to that canvas that innate intelligence or wisdom remains deep inside us and cannot be lost. It gets covered up and may lie buried for a lifetime but it’s still there, guiding us even though we may not know this. It’s locating that inner wisdom that can enhance our lives and overcome what happens outside us in our world. The severity of withdrawal from prescription Benzos has forced me to look into a more spiritual existence.
I’ve called this Blog ‘Checking In’ because this is how I’ve chosen to combine the various techniques and understandings to help me slowly locate that inner wisdom and overcome my anxiety. There are many physical practices that we can learn such as the Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping, Gupta therapy, deep breathing, Yoga, HeartMath and so on but none of these ever helped me to do more than perhaps overcome any hell in the moment, they didn’t last. It's necessary to go beyond these more superficial practices to something that doesn’t require learning anything at all, it just requires that we remain in the thinking and follow the conversations where it’s outlined in books and videos. In fact we just need to listen. This is called the ‘Inside Out Understanding’. We should live our lives from the inside out and not from the outside in. If we just live from the outside we may become materialistic, strive for recognition, and constantly overstressed by life events that challenge us. If we acknowledge that its our thoughts creating our experiences we start to realise the importance of something deeper within ourselves. What happens to us on the outside is reacted to by our thoughts which create our emotions and feelings and even who we are in this world. Therefore every so often, throughout my day, I check in to myself and to what is going on in my body....where it is in space, what position am I in, what am I feeling, what are my thoughts and watching my breathing as I do this. I will write more next time but it takes awhile to understand all this and I know I haven’t yet and this may be muddled but it’s a start for me and helping me deal with any stress as it appears in my life. I will also list helpful books and websites. Thanks for reading my ramblings!