15. Aug, 2015

Crash, Bang.....

 Oh dear I've hit another wave. One week away from 33 months off. I had started living my life again slowly and carefully. It seems too many stresses have built up from minor things and now I'm back in bed with a room spinning around me and a brain clouded in thick fog. It's been building for a few days and the wave finally broke in the middle of last night sending me back into pacing mode and tossing and turning in an icy cold bed when I was able to lie down. It's August but I had to put my electric blanket back on my bed and turn it up to full. Summer has missed the UK this year.

Oh dear, I hate to moan and be negative but perhaps it's a warning not to count my chickens too soon. It will surely pass and may even bring me to a better place than before. I must slow down and have a rest from writing my book for awhile. I have been trying to concentrate on this but it's likely that the effort to focus my fragile brain has just resulted in it crashing again. Also using the computer a lot and staring at a screen doesn't help.

Another lesson learnt and another wave to add to the experience. This one is now in its seventh day so it's not giving in too easily. I'm aware it happens but I have tended to bury thoughts on just how bad everything can get and how to cope when it does. All my affirmations had to be reawakened alongside the deep breathing and positive thinking...'This too will pass'. It's so easy to forget when things have been better but who wants to remember their withdrawal waves anyway? These are best drowned in the mists of time although the lessons they teach us must never be forgotten and used to inform the rest of our lives.

Here I am for the moment, in bed, holding on and needing sleep and meditation to rest my racing brain. I remain positive that it's just a minor blip on my withdrawal journey.