I've just finished 'Addiction by Prescription' by Joan E. Gadsby. There are so many harrowing tales out there by authors who are recounting their own experiences of withdrawal. I will list them when more capable but why, oh why do so many stories of benzo withdrawal hell exist and go on being published? How can the medical profession stick their heads in the sand and refuse to recognise the bare facts? There are thousand upon thousands suffering this syndrome yet still the drugs are being prescribed. Side effects and withdrawal problems have been acknowledged since the seventies yet nothing has changed. I've said before that it's a scandal but it is more than this, it's a travesty and failure to abide by the hippocratic oath...'First do no harm'. Every doctor that prescribes a Benzo for more than seven days should be taken to task. I believe some should even be struck off. I remember one in particular at my own practice who told me, when I was complaining of bad symptoms at three weeks off the drugs, that they were out of my body now and I couldn't possibly be suffering at this time. This is the same doctor who prescribed an elderly friend of mine Temazepam for many years then failed to recognise her numerous falls and broken bones were caused by Benzo induced 'foggy brain' and poor balance. She is one, I believe, shouldn't be allowed to practice with her lack of knowledge of the harm prescription drugs can do. Sorry, I'm angry this morning when I see the injustice of it all.
I'm 26 months off and now in a worst place than at three months off. It's unbelievable but I understand it happens. I started this Blog to track my progress towards recovery but I'm beginning to doubt my own recovery after so long with such intense symptoms. I'm writing from my bed, the sky is blue and the sun is pouring in my window but my heart is frozen as I face another day crippled by withdrawal. I've had little sleep over the last eight weeks and the chemical adrenaline rushes, constant anxiety and stomach problems are weakening me and taking away my positivity that I'm healing. I now feel ill and find it hard to accept that there is nothing else wrong with me.
I don't want everyone who reads this to believe that they will follow the same pattern as me and remain unhealed at over two years off. Don't forget my length of time on benzodiazepines, the many different benzos prescribed by doctors over the years and the constant kindling of my brain as I never took a steady dose. This has all caused difficult problems for me. I now know many who have recovered well within this time and are back to living their lives. I'm the exception not the rule. I also believe that our genetic makeup plays a huge part which would explain why there are those who can withdraw without problems and others who are stuck like this for years.
So, there we go. Not a good time for me but I will pull through. I have so much to do and so much waiting for me when It's over that giving up is not an option! I also stubbed my toe the other night and the pain from the possible break is not helping to calm me. Life has to go on and these little inconveniences are part of its rich pattern.