A W A R E

I’ve chosen this word to illustrate my coping techniques and where I am at the moment. I believe it’s also a word that’s used in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to help those suffering from panic attacks and bad anxiety. I’ve just adapted it for my own withdrawal purposes.

First of all this post is far more positive than my last. I have become AWARE of my healing. It may be just a very good window or it may be signaling the end of the relentless trauma. I have suffered some very bad times over the last two months, times that reminded me of the acute phase and how awful this was. I must admit I lost hope that I was healing and believed it was all going to persist until I was finally given relief through death. It was the thinking of a brain damaged by prescription drugs. Over the last few days there has been an obvious turnaround and my brain has cleared and suddenly I’ve found myself tidying cupboards and cleaning the house. This is something I haven’t been able to do much of over the last two years as the chronic tiredness and lack of motivation kept me locked in a world that just couldn’t care less. I would sit and look at the dust and fumble through cupboards of jumble in order to find what I wanted. My husband jokingly thinks I now have an Obsessive, Compulsive Disorder as he’s not used to this side of me. Once upon a time I was a tidy person in that I liked order in my life and found it less stressful to be organized rather than living in chaos.  It’s amazing what the brain controls of our personalities. I’m wondering what’s coming next! Don’t forget its been a lifetime of the real me being dampened down and I’ve little idea what the final me is going to be like. In some ways it’s quite exciting.

At the moment I’m symptom free, apart from some pain and stiffness and have a relatively clear head. The nights can be a bit topsy turvey still but last night I slept for eight hours with just one wake up around 4 am. For once this didn’t indicate the end of the night and I drifted back happily to a dreamworld for another few hours. This may not be permanent yet but at least I know it can happen and one day will be the normal pattern for me.

The second use of the word AWARE focuses on how I’ve coped with the intense anxiety filled, painful, nauseous moments of acute times, such as I’ve suffered over the last two months. When panic, anxiety, revving or the physical symptoms make an appearance be Aware………

A….accept don’t fight, let it all wash over you. The more negative you are the worse the symptoms appear to be. Try and retreat into yourself and accept what is happening while you keep safe inside.

W….watch your symptoms from this safe place. They will actually wax and wane as you take note of them and you won’t be overwhelmed by them if you do this.   Know and believe this is your brain healing and it’s great and one day you will be free and happy again. The GABA receptors are dealing with it all and gradually coming back on line. This is the best way to view what’s happening so you don’t let the negative thoughts creep in.

A.…act and do what is best for you to cope with the symptoms. Deep breathing is always helpful. Lie on your back and breath slowly while thinking peace and calm.  If you feel agitated, as I often did, then pace your house while breathing and chanting positive affirmations such as, ‘This too will pass’ or ‘This is my healing journey’.

R….repeat all this as the wave envelopes you and as often as you need.

E….expect your healing is happening and, to reach your goal, you need to face these bad times with knowledge until they fade into your past and you’re whole again. Perhaps expect is not a strong enough word because you ARE recovering and your journey will one day end.

I hope this is just a little bit helpful. I have many meditations and wise sayings that I will one day sort out and post to help you during these stressful times when you are practising being ‘Aware’.