I'm still attempting to 'dance in the rain' but I left my umbrella at home over the last two days and started splashing about in the puddles again. Negotiating the bad days is never easy.
Some more words of wisdom from another withdrawal sufferer writing about advice they received from a counsellor......
Point one: Withdrawal effectively reduces you to an exposed raw nerve. You are completely exposed to every stress and that stress is basically experienced without a filter, without a buffer. You have to limit the stressors you are exposed to however you can. Point two: Withdrawal ends. Period. She has seen and counseled thousands of people in withdrawal from benzos and other psychiatric medications and she said she has never seen someone not recover, even with the most horrific of cases and the most protracted of cases. She says we will all return to being inside of our own skin, inside of our own minds, and in control of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Point three: Hope. You have to hold onto hope and the reality that the body has an intrinsic capability to heal from this kind of traumatic injury. It might take a long time, it might get worse before it gets better, it might drag you to the edges of hell and dangle you above the fire, but your body is strong and resilient. Hope, it is a requirement to survive this experience.
It's a relief to know that everyone recovers. From everything I've read and am told, by those who have experienced this and healed, there is no doubt. As long as we hang on, take nothing to upset our systems and accept all that's happening, eventually we'll be ourselves again. I've had to do this over the last couple of days when Satan intervened again and dangled me over that fire. I made all the mistakes of believing I'd never get better after so long and lost hope while I curled up on my bed with intense, unbearable, chemical anxiety surges. I'm so bad at taking my own advice. It passed and not because I tried to fight it by pacing the house and bemoaning my suffering. I'm back today in a calm place and determined to watch myself very carefully so my CNS doesn't throw a fit and start complaining again. Once we feel, even just a little better, it really is hard to remember the bad times and all too easy to overstep the mark taking recovery for granted. This must never happen. We need to treat every window, every lessening of symptoms with respect until it's all passed and we can be sure there will be no more downturns.
For the time being rest, gentle exercise, careful nutritious diet, no excitement and a calm, stressless day of quiet routine are on my prescription pad. I want to maintain the recovery I believe is underway making sure that the sun has dried up all those puddles.
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