On Reflection

Posted on 21st April 2015

I’ve looked back over my posts of the last year and been reflecting on my journey and its outcomes. It’s certainly been a much longer one than I anticipated over two years ago. I really expected to be one of the lucky ones who would be done by six months. That was a fool’s paradise, which stretched to one year, then eighteen months and then two years!! Now, at 29 months free I can see the light and know I’m finally reaching my destination. A few symptoms linger but they are nothing to the ramping up of acute at 24 months that needed all my powers of belief and acceptance to survive for nearly three months.

I know how much sufferers want to hear what problems I encountered and at which months but I think its essential to emphasize that everyone’s journey is different. There are no two withdrawal patterns exactly the same and no two Benzo stories exactly alike. Some had many other drugs, such as antidepressants, thrown into the mix by uneducated doctors, while others suffered hospilisation and subsequent rapid withdrawal again due to uneducated medical staff. We all have a different genetic coding so vary in how we respond to drugs anyway. Age may play a small part as may sex and time on the drugs. There are many variables but the only one, indisputable fact, is that everybody heals in their own time.

I’ve come through periods of intense pain, panic, unbearable anxiety, temperature fluctuations, suicidal thoughts, brain fog, cognitive impairment, fear, supplement, food and drug intolerances, total insomnia for days on end and many bizarre nerve problems but I’ve survived. It’s only the belief that I’m going to be ok eventually and that my body and brain are strong and doing their best to recover that has carried me through. I travelled with HOPE beside me and I’ve never let it go.

Sadly I have lost friends along the way but this is something I’ve had to come to terms with. It’s the total ignorance of the population (through no fault of their own) that causes others to disbelieve our suffering and want to apply the labels used by their trusted doctors. They can’t fathom an Iatrogenic illness produced by prescription drugs and in many cases don’t even want to. It causes the foundation of their lives to be swept from beneath them. I can understand this but feel sorry for the terrible lack of human understanding due to withdrawal problems going unrecognized. It’s not even withdrawal from Benzos alone as antidepressants, pain killers and many other drugs have withdrawal syndromes of their own. I forgive those that cannot contemplate all this and truly hope their own lives may never be blighted by such turmoil.

I will continue to blog here until my life takes over again and I can fully participate with benzo withdrawal far in the past. The only help I’ve received throughout all this is from the forums and the many friends I’ve made on line. Also through the support sites, information and books that have been set up and written by former sufferers. I’m indebted to them as many never had the support from the internet that exists today. I can't imagine going through this alone. I am now looking at ways in which I can help further and perhaps write a book of my own. Any ideas on what’s needed to help fellow sufferers out there in the UK would be gratefully received.

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