Pacing

I’ve just returned from nine days away in our motor home. We went to the Gower Peninsula in southwest Wales. I had few problems and a very enjoyable time.

I’m obviously well recovered now at 31 months out. I still have symptoms and I’m still just a little bemused as to why this is allowed to happen to so many, many people. In the UK alone the whole scandal has been swept under the carpet for  fifty  years. This is at the crux of the puzzle… Why have successive governments been allowed to brush off campaigners with a smoke screen of promises to take the problem seriously then do nothing ? If we delve deep enough there seems to be a political agenda to protect doctors and drug companies but not their patients and their suffering victims. So many questions hang over the prescribing of a benzodiazepine drug for over two weeks and the terrible brain damage it causes. I don’t intend to let this rest in my lifetime but I know so many others before me have tried to permeate this barrier and failed. Somewhere there is a huge story and if only just one media outlet would take it on and tell it from the point of view of those suffering and not pander to the big pharmaceutical companies and the government agenda for denial, I believe there could be a breakthrough.

I have been diverted as I intended talking about the need to pace ourselves as recovery starts happening. However, at this time the brain also starts functioning and I’m no longer the quiescent individual I was on the drugs! I’m appalled and horrified by what I’m learning as I read and research the problem. I know I need to slow down myself and not let all this overthrow my new, upgraded GABA receptors or I could wave again. For the moment I’m taking it gently, letting off steam through my writing and delegating my husband to handle the traumatic discoveries we’re making re the prescribing of these medications.

It’s not only this mental pacing that needs to be observed but also the physical. I’ve found that with recovery I’ve needed to walk more and do more physical activity. If I do too much then I stiffen up and the old benzo pains return. Keeping it sensible and watching how I react as I start to increase activity is very necessary. The same goes for eating. I’m enjoying a morning cup of coffee and I have a craving for chocolate which I satisfy with a small amount every day. I don’t think either are causing me problems at this stage but I don’t overdo it. I’ve also branched out a bit on my diet and added more adventurous meals that may include sauces and proteins that I’ve been afraid to touch while at my worst. Nothing has yet caused me an upset but I am starting to put on weight which I don’t need! Again pacing in everything I do is essential to keep the recovery momentum on track.

I hope this brings hope to all my followers. I have such heart-rending stories from those still at the depths of a severe withdrawal experience that I want you all to know that it honestly gets better but there’s no guidelines or rules as to how long it will take for you. The only way is through and the only outcome is a healthy future. Take it one step at a time and go on doing this even as recovery sets in.