Survival

Today I want to write about how brave we all are to keep on going through this with little encouragement to show we really are recovering. The symptoms can be so relentless and just as bad two years off the prescription drugs as they were two weeks off. It’s very very demoralizing and hard to accept that everything will get better in spite of the intensity of the symptoms and little sign of progress.

Anyone who hasn’t endured this process could never understand or possibly empathize with us. They just wouldn’t appreciate how bad it really is and assume it’s all in our minds or we have some other illness. After all how could doctors possibly make us this ill? It’s hard to accept but sadly all too real and one of the terrible outcomes of conventional medicine and its failure to recognize the damage an everyday drug, such as a sleeping tablet, can do. Doctors have buried their heads in the sand for over forty years and seem determined to remain that way. They belong to an arrogant profession that can do so much good yet can also do so much harm to vulnerable people dependent on them. With the Hippocratic oath saying, ‘First, do no harm’, it almost makes a mockery of the prescribing practices happening today. It seems there is nothing that can't be cured without a ‘pill’ in the minds of doctors. Many have suffered from unrecognized tolerance withdrawal and doctors have gone on to prescribe antidepressants, anti psychotics, stimulants, muscle relaxers etc etc. This poly drugging can only lead to even worsening symptoms as the brain struggles to regain normality. It’s all so sad.

As you can see I’m having a rant! Several people have written to me or messaged me over the last few weeks to say how much they are suffering many months or years off the drugs that it has stirred me to want to do more to help them. Until I’m fully recovered there is not a lot I can do except offer advice and compassion through my own experiences.

There can be no doubt that symptoms do get worse before they get better and leave us in peace. I believe I’m well on the way towards my own recovery now. I’ve had a major downturn from months 24 to 27 but since then I’ve been feeling much more positive with just an occasional blip if I forget to pace myself or watch what I eat. I am sleeping most nights in spite of regular wake ups and I’m not resorting to bed during the day. My head is clearer and I’m functioning at a better intellectual level. I do have a return of some pain symptoms but I’m sure they will burn out over the coming weeks as I get stronger. I implore everyone in a major downturn to have faith and know this could well be your final upheaval before recovery happens.

I’ve endured this discomfort before and survived it, and so I can survive it today. I’ve felt these feelings before and sat with them, and so I can sit with them today. I’ve felt like giving in before and held onto hope, and so I can continue to hold on today. I made it through yesterday, and so, I can also make it through today. I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it. I am strong and I am capable. I will not give up.’

(A prayer from the International Acceptance movement)