As I move along the road to full recovery I’m wondering just what I’m going to be left with after all this plays itself out. Certainly, already I’m not the same person that I was for so many years on the drug. I’m much calmer and feel at peace within myself. Some days I think I could scale mountains and experience the exhilaration of reaching the summit while on others I want to curl up in bed and let the world pass me by as I drift into a restful slumber. I suppose I'm still facing the extremes of healing but I am so much better and any anomalies in the recovery pattern are mostly positive and my brain reasserting itself. When I’m tired I’m very tired and when I’m awake I’m wide awake and wanting to fulfill myself in all sorts of ways. I think eventually this pattern will smooth itself out and my feelings and emotions will settle. I’m still very excited at the prospect of being well after so long. The world is my oyster!
I’ve read that many people after experiencing withdrawal from benzodiazepines are better than they’ve ever been in their lives. They are so much stronger and more compassionate. They are far more tolerant of others and let very little upset them. They have a love of life and enjoy the moment rather than constantly seeking more…….more money, more holidays, more possessions etc. I’ve learnt to be grateful for what I have and to not seek an elusive goal to satisfy the criteria of others. I have a wonderful family, I have health and a loving marriage and have no desire to travel to faraway places on expensive holidays or the need to buy unnecessary possessions just because I can. I feel at peace in my own skin at long, long last.
We are all going to be so much stronger for this suffering from benzos and their withdrawal effects. In some ways its intensity and the very fact that there was nothing to help the terrible onslaught of symptoms can only benefit how we face our lives in future years. It has shown me who my real friends are, who has true compassion not just superficiality, and what is really important in my life. It has strengthened my marriage, my love for my family, there for me whatever and made me many new, interesting friends all over the world. What else could leave such a wonderful legacy. As you know I believe that positivity is the only way forwards but I am also aware that one of the main and saddest gifts of this ordeal will be an ongoing distrust of the medical profession and prescription drugs. It has made us all aware that we cannot accept the word of doctors and that everything we are prescribed must be researched before we approve any diagnosis or drug. This can only be good. We’re no longer candidates for labels of mental illnesses created by man himself or for drugs invented to make profit for an industry seeking to validate these labels. We are free!
There’s a lot more to be said on this subject and I may add to it as time goes on and my own healing continues to happen. I expect many of you will have your own views especially as your recovery gets underway. 🙂
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