Where Am I Now?

Posted on 11th January 2020

I’ve never denied being in a long protracted withdrawal after 40 years of Benzos plus many other drugs in the early years, many times kindled, a severe tolerance then cold turkey off nearly 7 years 2 months ago and now 74 years old. I started Benzos for sleep in 1972 after a traumatic childbirth, consequent hysterectomy and early menopause. I have been supported in my recovery by Heather Ashton (through emails in the early years), Una Corbett, Ian Singleton, Barry Haslam, a Cornish volunteer lady plus I still talk to Baylissa Frederick. All have been amazing support and sources of hope for me that we all recover from Benzos however long it takes.

My whole journey, until the present day, is recorded on my Blog here as well as my daily journals since 2011. All through this time I’ve talked to numerous sufferers, researched and read current literature and been joined by my husband David (a physiologist and mathematician) in helping others through. I talked on benzo buddies for help in the early months and have been a member of a few Facebook support groups before starting my own in 2016.

That’s the background! Today my health is very good. I have no physical health problems that are common to my age i.e. no arthritis, no pain, a very good immune system, no deficiencies as shown in blood tests and haven’t talked to a doctor for over a year. I am on no drugs or supplements at this moment in time.

I do still have the occasional bad nights with insomnia and internal vibrations left over from my long and difficult recovery. This means I can still be very tired at times. I do call them waves to friends but I don’t think they are the waves that happened when in the throws of withdrawal. My nervous system is also quite fragile although much stronger than when on benzos and I don’t react to anxiety just pass through it. I should stress that during my recovery I have moved house nearly 260 miles across the UK, which is a stressful anyway, I have a seriously ill son and another who also needs support due to health problems. David has had cancer, several operations and heart problems also during my withdrawal journey so the passage has been extremely stressful at times.

In spite of all this I consider myself well and coping with life again as it continues to unravel with just these down times occasionally that can be triggered for no obvious reason. I am sure even these are slowly disappearing now.

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