Success and Support by Steph Bee

[WebDevElijah]

Hey everyone,
 

I promised myself that I would rejoin these groups and share some happiness and success after I jumped, mainly because that’s what I was dying to read when I first joined nearly four months ago. I’m here to tell you: hold on and keep going, no matter how hopeless you feel. I hear you, I see you, and I know how hard it is, but it does get better—I promise.

Before Tapering

I was in tolerance and extremely sick on this medication. I had been damaged by an antibiotic first (read my story here), then by an SSRI, and this was the last drug in a list used to treat the side effects of the others.

I believe my GABA receptors had been badly damaged by the toxic reaction to the antibiotic, which is why I reached tolerance so quickly. I was living in a depressed, anxious, zombie fog. I had crippling derealization/depersonalization (DR/DP), couldn’t be around people, noise, or light, and was terrified of everything. Life felt dark and sinister, and I sometimes contemplated death to escape it.

I felt completely disconnected from everyone and everything, like I was watching life from a dark basement. I had no energy and experienced crippling head pressure.

Tapering Timeline

Using compounded Ativan capsules (~11 weeks total):
 

• 0.95 mg: 3.5 weeks
• 0.85 mg: 12 days
• 0.75 mg: 17 days
• 0.65 mg: 7 days
• 0.50 mg: 7 days
• 0.35 mg: 7 days
• 0.20 mg: 5 days, then JUMP!
   

My taper lasted three months in total, coming off 1 mg of Ativan, which I had used for 5–6 months (1.25 mg for one of those months).

Helpful Advice Before Tapering

1. Read the Ashton Manual

This guide, written by Heather Ashton, explains the effects of benzodiazepines on the brain and central nervous system (CNS). It provides guidance on tapering and understanding tolerance. While you don’t need to follow it exactly, it’s a helpful starting point.

2. Set Up Professional Support

For me, this included:

• A GP: I provided my GP with the Ashton Manual and explained my taper. While they weren’t benzo-wise, they supported my plan and provided the necessary prescriptions.
• Compounding Pharmacy: A compounding pharmacist created custom capsules for each step of my taper. This reduced stress significantly.
• Reconnexion (Australia): This program offered free counselling sessions, a tapering plan, and liaison with my GP. They provided resources and emotional support during my taper.

3. Build Personal Support

Lean on close family or friends. Share resources, such as the “Dear Family and Friends” letter, to help them understand benzo withdrawal.

4. Establish a Routine

Even simple tasks, like showering and dressing daily, can help separate day from night and provide structure. Over time, I added:

• Meditation (10 min)
• Yoga stretches (10 min)
• Walks (even 5 min, preferably in sunlight before 10:30 AM)
• Writing in a gratitude journal
• Netflix, puzzles, or gardening

5. Manage Forum Usage

Use forums sparingly. While they can provide answers and community, horror stories can be overwhelming. Limit your exposure to avoid heightened anxiety.

Symptoms

• First drop: Insomnia, anxiety, suicidal ideation, DR/DP, head pressure, and muscle aches. Symptoms leveled out after seven days.
• Middle taper: Symptoms became more tolerable. I started dreaming again and had less frequent insomnia.
• Final taper: Symptoms eased further. I made slightly larger and quicker drops based on my body’s feedback.

Post-Jump Success

I jumped on Sunday, June 20, 2021. Though the first few nights were challenging, by night three I was sleeping well. I went for a walk on Monday, and my DR disappeared—it was the first time in over a year. I cried tears of joy.

I already feel more like myself and know this is just the beginning.

Things to Remember

• Your story is yours. No one else’s experience will exactly mirror yours.
• Listen to your body. Trust your intuition about what you can handle.
• Create a healing environment: comfortable clothes, a clean space, and small comforts like candles or plants.

Helpful Resources

• My Profile (u/New_Gur7435) on Reddit
• Benzobuddies Forum
• Podcasts: Benzo Free and Geraldine Burns’ Benzodiazepine Awareness
• Blog Posts: Jenn Leigh’s Benzo Withdrawal Help | Hope and Healing

 

 

Every day is a step closer to healing.
If I can do it, so can you!