TRIGGER: Stephanie’s Recovery

[WebDevElijah]

Started off a Mom juggling it all with the weight of the world on her shoulders. 3 babies and a dying mother whom I was caregiver to and a very unsupportive husband and no outlet. Spoke with my Dr and instead of therapy she suggested something to "take the end off" in her words. I started a few days later and what great relief it brought me. Everything seems so much easier or so it seemed. It went from 2mg 1-3x a day OR as needed. After awhile I was taking 8-10mg a day!!! A year had passed me by and my life had spiraled out of control. A hot headed 0 tolerance person. Alienated myself from any and everyone. I finally ran out of medication and had to renew with the dr. I finished my meds 2weeks too soon and I was so sick. It was then that I realized I was experiencing withdrawals. As a teen from age 15-21 I was addicted to (street) Xan. I promised I'd never go back to that. I made a choice to go cold turkey for my babies as I am their role model and most importantly Mama. 1st two weeks were pure hell. Any and every bad experience I've ever been through or thoughts/memories I suppressed ALL came flooding in at once. A light switch I could NOT turn off. An unbearable knot/ache in my stomach that wouldn't go away. Body uncontrollably shaking with anxiety. Body exhausted but mind on full alert and would NOT let me sleep at all!!! It was literally the worse thing I had ever experienced. Only thing that got me through it was my faith in God and love for my babies. Symptoms eased up but did not diminish. I am proud to say that as of March 11th 2021 I am now 2 years sober. Only time I experience some symptoms is a week or 2 before my monthly cycle. BUT I manage as I now have an AMAZING and supportive husband whom coaches me through it. PLEASE keep your heads up and Faith strong. Do NOT be shaken!

 

***Note:  going CT is NOT for everyone***