Success for Jason Bond

[WebDevElijah]

Some of the group members here in the ‘Beating Benzos’ group will have already read my ‘Success Story’ elsewhere. I've posted it before in other Facebook-based ‘Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal’ support groups before, also Colin Moran’s Benzobuddies internet forum too... but here it is again for the newer members here in ‘Beating Benzos’ who have perhaps not ever read it before. Healing happens... and fo' sho'... Do all the right things to get there, and it cannot not happen...

 

Ok... so here's the short version of my "Success Story"... bearing in mind I did not become "Benzo-Wise" until the tail-end of May 2010. That's when I thought, "Could it be this Valium?" That's when I went online, and eventually—through Google—I found the Ashton Manual, then I found my now dear friend, Baylissa Frederick. I also eventually found the "Bristol & District Tranquilliser Project" too, a charity-run organisation here in the U.K. who know exactly what this stuff is all about. "Battle Against Tranquillisers - BAT" is another one. Between them and Baylissa, they literally saved my life. I also found, and would desperately post on "BenzoBuddies," an internet-based "Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome" support forum; however, I was far too 'paranoid' to post all of the time. But every single evening, I private messaged (behind the scenes) with a Moderator on there who had since healed, and she answered every single terrifying message I sent with encouragement to just keep going and that my healing would eventually come. That to me was just invaluable back then. I needed to 'hear' it over and over, and every five minutes... it was THAT bad. I also found another Facebook-based "Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome" group too, within this sad, sorry mess, and one that was run by someone who also 'held my hand' during my darkest hours—for years—and also whilst they were (and still are) so ill with "Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome" themselves as well. Bless them all.

 

Here's some history. In September of 2001, I attended a G.P. appointment for some minor physical ailment, and one that I can't even remember what it was now, it became that insignificant. During that twenty-minute experience, she noticed that I was looking and sounding a bit "down in the dumps," and she asked me why that was. So, I just happened to mention the fact that some things were getting me down... life 'stuff,' and pretty much all created around me by 'people,' one of which whom was very 'close' in particular. It was then she (the G.P.) convinced me that I was "depressed," and because my Father had a 'history' of such, she convinced me it was "genetic," and prescribed me an SNRI A/D, shortly followed by Benzos for my 'troubles.' In hindsight, any well-informed Doctor would have just empathised and told me to go and sort out my 'people problems' and then inevitably, after doing that, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind, that I would have just naturally felt better again after a few weeks or so more as one very most usually does.

 

But, oh no, not her, and this trusting innocent (namely me) stepped onto the 'Hamster's Wheel' of what was going to be the most unbelievably horrifically painful ride that I would EVER experience in my entire life, and one I know now will NEVER ever be repeated again, and that's because it wasn't me, it was actually never me, for it was always THEIR DRUGS. Shame on them. My N.H.S.-induced poly-drugging then came along very shortly thereafter, featuring the likes of SSRI's, SNRI's, SARI's, Tricyclics, Z-drugs, but always starring the Benzos. The toxicity withdrawal, tolerance withdrawal, and full withdrawal happened in three time-stamps, but all mixed together, and every time. It also got worse every time, and so did my ensuing iatrogenically imposed upon me "poly-drugging" as well. I was also "kindled" greatly.

 

2001/2002
2005/2006
2009/2010/2011/2012/2013

 

I eventually healed for the third and last time at the tail-end of July going into August, 2013. After my forced cold-turkey in hospital as a result of my attempted suicide in May 2010, my 'light bulb moment' came on about two weeks thereafter after they had sent me home with my prescribed 'stuff,' because I was "Ok."

 

Previous to that time—and during—I was sleeping between zero to four hours, pacing for twelve to sixteen hours, and then managing to maybe lay down for four to eight hours in the evening, if I was 'lucky.' I could never actually sit the entire time, and if I tried to, I couldn't help but to have to stand up again and pace around.

 

So, my daily routine pretty much always went: 'sleep' for four hours, pace for twelve hours, and lay down highly uncomfortably for eight hours. It was only then I could go online and pretty much 'live' within the 'Benzo Community' that I had eventually found after my further life-shattering cold-turkey experience of May 2010.

 

Then, after a maximum of four hours 'sleep' (sometimes less or zero sleep) at about 4 a.m., I would awake with what seemed like a 'nuclear missile' going off inside me and continuing to 'blast' for the next twelve hours, at least. And thus the whole pacing torturous regime started all over again. And every day and night continuously, and for over one thousand days straight. Forty-four months straight, to be exact.

 

In July of 2010, nine weeks after the cold turkey, I was incorrectly advised to reinstate and to taper off of what was my initial dose. That way, I'd be able to "return to work and be a lot more comfortable" during, as well. I never managed to "return to work." I never got "a lot more comfortable," either. I actually got even worse than worse. Who could imagine, huh? My advisor of reinstatement will remain nameless, please don't ask me who it was.

 

So, it’s not a good idea to reinstate more than four weeks out; huge chances are, it simply just won't work. I still tapered though during, hoping it may ease up as I did; however, it didn't. So my ensuing taper then just added an entire year to my iatrogenically imposed 'sentence' of unbelievable physical and mental torture, one of unmeasurable and indescribable proportions, and that is what mostly comes of reinstating more than four weeks out of a (mostly) Doctor-induced cold-turkey withdrawal.

 

There should be NO cold-turkey withdrawals ever imposed upon unsuspecting and uninformed patients in the first place anyway. However, there is. There also should be no uninformed Doctors around, either, yet there still is as well, and it's just everywhere.

 

I became "Benzo-Free" in June of 2011. I eventually healed in August of 2013, much to my amazement, I might add, for 'the drug' always 'tells us' otherwise. My journey was actually a linear (rare) type healing in the end. Prior to that though, it had plateaued a complete intense horror, and for forty-four months straight.

 

So you see, if I can heal from that level of complete and utter UNNATURAL iatrogenically induced insanity, then so can you. Anybody can. Just keep doing the right things to get there, and you will.

 

Stay strong. Stay alive. Your "Prize" awaits you too. It's coming. Trust me.