TRIGGER: Success by Peter

[WebDevElijah]

I wanted to share my Benzo withdrawal story to hopefully help others.

 

I was a long-time overseas resident businessman and went through a period where I had trouble sleeping. A doctor prescribed me Klonopin, a benzodiazepine, for insomnia without discussing the potential for adverse side effects. Within two months, my life had gone haywire. Looking back now, years after becoming drug-free and regaining clarity, I can finally understand what happened. I also want to mention that I had no prior mental health issues.

 

At first, Klonopin seemed helpful, relaxing me enough to fall asleep. However, after a few weeks, I started experiencing major panic attacks multiple times a day, relieved only by taking more Klonopin. (I now recognize this as rebound anxiety caused by withdrawal.) I had never experienced a panic attack before. These attacks soon turned into agoraphobia, and I became reluctant to leave my bedroom, the only place I felt safe. After three months on the medication, my daughters came to visit for the holidays and became extremely worried about me.

 

During the holidays, I went into full-blown paranoia, convinced people were trying to kill me. Feeling so unstable and unsure of my actions, I asked my family to stay away from me out of fear I might harm them. I became convinced that hanging myself was the best solution and nearly succeeded before one of my daughters stopped me.

 

My family realized I needed more help than was available locally, so my daughters flew me back to the States. Within 24 hours of arriving, I threatened suicide again, this time by breaking a bottle and threatening to sever my jugular vein. Police were called, and I was involuntarily hospitalized. The first hospital continued to administer Klonopin, insisting it was the medication I was prescribed, despite my family’s protests. It wasn’t until days later, under the threat of a lawsuit, that they finally stopped the Klonopin. That week was a living nightmare filled with paranoid delusions and a complete psychotic break.

My family managed to get me transferred to a reputable mental health hospital with 24-hour suicide watchers. I was diagnosed with severe depression with psychotic features, though I wasn’t depressed when this all began—I simply had insomnia. At this facility, I was put on a cocktail of six medications, including antidepressants and antipsychotics, and underwent 14 ECT treatments. After a few weeks, I was no longer psychotic. At the time, I attributed this to the ECT, but I now realize it was because I had finally broken free from Klonopin’s effects.

 

After leaving the hospital, my family encouraged me to attend a comprehensive depression treatment program in Boston at one of the nation’s premier mental health institutes. The program included extensive tests and treatments. The doctors were amazed by my quick recovery and repeatedly suggested that I must have been deeply depressed long before the psychotic symptoms appeared. Despite my insistence that I wasn’t depressed, they believed I was unaware of an underlying condition. After extensive psychological testing, one doctor was baffled that I showed no residual signs of psychosis, which she said typically linger for up to a year.

 

The Boston program was excellent, and the staff was kind and well-meaning, but no one considered the possibility of an adverse benzodiazepine reaction. I left with a new set of prescriptions, but the original diagnosis didn’t fully add up.

 

Once I regained some stability, I began researching benzodiazepines and psychopharmaceuticals. Eventually, I found benzos.org.uk, which provided the information I needed to unravel my experience. Over the next ten months, under a psychiatrist’s supervision, I tapered off all remaining medications.

Today, I am a few years drug-free, following a sound nutrition plan and exercise routine. It took about a year after stopping all medications to feel fully like myself again, free of symptoms like brain zaps, foggy thinking, and difficulty concentrating. Looking back, I am incredibly grateful for my caring family, the financial resources to endure this ordeal, and a self-employment situation that allowed for my absence. In different circumstances, this episode could have destroyed my life—or ended it.

 

I will never again take medication without thoroughly understanding its potential side effects. It is my hope to avoid medications entirely in the future.