From Darkness to Healing

[WebDevElijah]

Here is my story: I was suffering from insomnia and visited a therapist highly recommended to me by my doctor. This therapist believed my insomnia was likely due to work-related stress. At the end of the appointment, he told me to take this pill called Risperidone. He said it was harmless and would help me with my daily business routine and make sleep possible. I remember him saying, “It is a baby dosage and won’t do any harm.” This pill worked really well for a month. I felt good.

 

I was able to sleep well and thought I had discovered a magic pill. Then, I began having minor episodes of depression, anxiety, and rage. I had never experienced these before and began to worry that something was wrong. I went back to the therapist, and he told me to take Fluoxetine along with the Risperidone. I followed his directions but started feeling even worse. When I told him this, he gave me Alprazolam (Xanax) and another drug I cannot remember. I was now taking four pills, and before all this began, I had never used pills before. In hindsight, when I was put on these pills, I had no new stress in my professional life that I couldn’t handle without medications.

 

I called the therapist and told him I was feeling worse, and he said it was me and I should "take it easy!" He also told me I could discontinue all the pills if I wanted to. Since they didn’t seem to be working, I listened to him and stopped the pills on a Friday. Within eight hours of discontinuing the pills, I suffered my first panic attack at a restaurant with my family. My wife immediately drove me to the doctor, who said this was NORMAL and just a middle-age crisis. He injected me with 2 mg of Valium, told me I was okay, and sent me home.

 

I went to sleep, and after a couple of hours, all hell broke loose. I started having hallucinations, paranoia, and felt totally out of my mind. I spent the weekend very sick and unable to eat or sleep. Food tasted like metal; noises made me afraid of my own shadow. On Monday, we visited the therapist, and he tried to put me in a mental hospital. I refused. He then reinstated me on 3 mg of Xanax daily, with Paxil and Alprazolam as needed. This did not work. He then increased the Xanax to 6 mg daily and added Wellbutrin. I felt even worse.

 

I couldn’t handle it anymore and discontinued most of the pills, keeping only one Xanax pill at night for two more weeks. I felt worse still and then cold-turkeyed the Xanax. After going cold turkey, I was completely out of my mind—disabled, unable to work, drive, or be by myself. I lost weight and was a human train wreck. I thought this would last only a couple of weeks, or I would die.

 

My business suffered greatly, costing me a lot of money. The only thing I could do was pace around my house due to the akathisia and anxiety. I couldn’t be around people, even my parents. I also spent thousands of dollars on therapists trying to find the magic cure. None of them worked and only confused me more since no one had the right diagnosis. I was labeled OCD and co-dependent because no one recognized this as withdrawal. It was only after I began searching the internet that I discovered the videos on YouTube. That was my life!

 

Once I discovered the Ashton Manual, I realized I was in withdrawal. It took me 14 more months of my life to heal, and I had only taken those drugs for three months! I suffered windows and waves and the whole package of symptoms. Thank God I am finally done with that nightmare. All the symptoms are gone. It was a very slow process. The first eight months, I couldn’t notice improvement, but then I started having windows and more hope. In the last two months, my windows got longer, and my waves got smaller in intensity until they were gone!

 

It is incredible how much damage was done, but it is also incredible that our brains and body have the ability to heal all that damage. Withdrawal has probably been the hardest experience of my life, but I now understand it was only temporary. Long, but temporary. I have my life back. Life feels good again. I am exercising like never before, eating only healthy food, and enjoying every minute of my new life! Healing happens. Please believe that and DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT! Everyone heals sooner or later. I know that now.