VIOLET'S STORY: Klonopin, Valium....I am Finally healing :)

[WebDevElijah]

VIOLET'S STORY:

 

Hi everyone, today I am celebrating three years of freedom from benzodiazepines and thought I’d update anyone who doesn’t know my story. I’ll try not to get too long-winded.

 

Klonopin entered my life in 2003 for situational anxiety and depression after hastily giving up an 18-year well-paying job. The transition was difficult, and I regretted every minute of it. Enter therapy and meds: Klonopin 3 mg, Wellbutrin 200 mg, and Lamictal 200 mg every day for five years. I took my meds daily and never did much research into them, only glancing over the pharmacy printouts. My doctor assured me repeatedly that they were safe, so I never felt the need to look deeper. All I knew was that I didn’t have a problem in the world while taking these meds—until tolerance set in.

 

Sadly, I had been in tolerance long before I realized it. Looking back now, with enough healing under my belt to reflect clearly, I know I was sick at least a year before I tried to get off the meds. My physical and mental health were deteriorating, but I was too drugged to recognize the meds as the cause. One day, a little light bulb went off: “Hey lady, maybe it’s the medications?”

 

I started poking around the net and found the Ashton Manual. I weaned off Wellbutrin in over a month without issue, then cold-turkeyed Lamictal a month later. I began cutting Klonopin a few months after that, but I cut too much, too fast. I crossed over to Valium seeking relief, only to stabilize for a few weeks before falling into a very deep depression with feelings of toxicity. I couldn’t sleep, and the symptoms were too intense. I knew I wouldn’t survive a long taper off Valium.

 

I went to a detox facility and had the experience from hell. I came home more broken and sick than when I went in. For anyone considering a typical 12-step detox for benzos, I strongly urge you to try another plan. Detox centers use a cut-and-paste approach that fails to address the long-term process of benzodiazepine withdrawal. You’re treated as just another case, expected to recover quickly, and treated poorly when you don’t. You’ll leave sicker than ever and expected to begin outpatient rehab immediately.

 

The climb out of the hole created by that cold-turkey detox was, hands down, the most intense, profound, and life-changing experience of my life. I had nearly every symptom in the book—and then some. Instead of diving into an emotional recounting, I’ll leave a timeline of symptoms to remind those still struggling that healing does happen. It may come in tiny increments early on, but the huge chunks of healing came for me mostly in the second year.
 

March 21, 2008 – Cold Turkey from 15 mg Valium

Months 1-6: Intense acute symptoms. Hallucinations, agoraphobia, terror, depersonalization, derealization, cognitive misery, insomnia, burning skin and mouth, chemical taste, shaking, blurred vision, hypersensitivity, social fear, tinnitus, hair loss, severe gastrointestinal issues, food sensitivities, vitamin sensitivities, severe depression, crying spells, rage, thoughts of suicide and homicide, loss of purpose, a tight band around my head and jaw, inner vibrations, severe headaches, extreme anxiety, fatigue, and brain zaps.

Months 6-12: Some symptom relief but new issues arose. I was still fearful in public, hypersensitive, and had food sensitivities. Mania and euphoria spells came and went, with depression lurking in the background. Crying spells faded, and sleep improved to about five hours per night. Fatigue persisted, along with severe joint, back, and neck pain. Tinnitus remained loud, and depersonalization/derealization lessened but lingered.

Months 12-24: Significant healing began. Cognition improved, sleep increased to seven hours per night, and depression and anxiety lessened. Digestive issues greatly improved, and food sensitivities were managed through good nutrition. Mentally, I started regaining stability, but physical issues like fatigue, pain, and tinnitus remained. I was still getting many waves during this period but pushed through.

Months 24-36: The best period of healing. Depression became rare, and anxiety only arose under stress. I experienced improved cognition, coping mechanisms, decision-making, and social skills. I began enjoying social interactions and returned to work at month 26. Though challenging, the job helped me regain coping skills and build confidence. I formed new friendships and strengthened family ties. While pain, fatigue, and tinnitus persisted, they became manageable.
 

Things That Helped My Healing: Acceptance, distractions, self-talk, research, good nutrition, hydration, staying active, maintaining a routine, focusing on the next 10 minutes, pushing myself to socialize, music, and staying medication-free, including OTC meds.
 

I’m not 100% healed, but I am so much better than even six months ago. The lingering pain and tinnitus may remain, but I’ve adapted and live contently. I’m grateful for the healing I’ve achieved and the lessons I’ve learned. Comparing the destruction benzodiazepines caused in my life to the calm, grateful, and mentally healthy person I am today leaves me awestruck. Life without benzos is as sweet as it gets.
 

Good luck to everyone on this journey, and thank you for the support. Keep moving forward and never look back!