NOAH'S STORY: Police Officer healed from Benzo Withdrawal

[WebDevElijah]

NOAH'S STORY:

 

I was a police officer for 12 years but had to leave the job due to panic attacks. The police doctor said that I had an "anxiety disorder" and put me on Xanax. That was the worst mistake of my life! I stayed on Xanax for the next 12 years while going to therapy to find out why I had this "anxiety disorder." During these 12 years, I tried, by myself, to taper down and go off of the Xanax without any success. Each time that I decreased the dosage, I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I would run to my doctor and tell him all my symptoms, and he would say that I had this "anxiety disorder" and that I "needed" the Xanax. He would instruct me to increase the dosage, and sure enough, my symptoms would disappear. What he never told me was that I was experiencing a severe withdrawal reaction and not some "anxiety disorder." I never abused this drug or exceeded the dosage but took it faithfully for 12 years.

 

 

My family noticed a gradual change in my personality. They noticed that I didn't laugh anymore or show much emotion about anything. They said I would just sit there like I was frozen. I felt I was a vegetable! I continued to see therapists, thinking that one of them could cure me of this "anxiety disorder," but I was only getting worse. I was barely leaving the house, and when I did, someone had to be with me. I was so afraid and still suffered from panic attacks, depression, and paranoia.

 

Thank God that I met a Christian doctor, and after two years of therapy and getting nowhere with me, he said that I would never improve until I got off of the Xanax. I could not go on living like this anymore and somehow made it into a rehab. They took me off "cold turkey" and put me on phenobarbital so that I would not have a seizure. I then became allergic to the phenobarbital, so they put me on Klonopin and sent me home. After I stopped the Klonopin, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! My wife called the rehab doctors for help, but they said that I would have to come to their office. I could barely walk, talk, or sleep, much less travel. So with the help of my wife, I dug myself in at home and stayed there for the next two years, waiting for these symptoms to leave. I felt that all my doctors had abandoned me and I was totally on my own. All I had or knew about withdrawal was what I read from a book by Shirley Trickett called Coming off Tranquilizers.

 

At first, I thought that I was losing my mind and wanted to be committed, but I was too paranoid to leave the house. I kept my wife prisoner in her own home, pleading with her to stay with me, and she did for the next two years. My nerves screamed out at me from every part of my body. All I wanted to do was die but was too afraid to kill myself. I cursed God, neighbors, and family members. I was in so much pain that I didn't care who heard me and screamed out loud. I busted up furniture and threw chairs. I made holes in the walls and floors. It wasn't fun for me or my family to watch. I cried for months. The tears just wouldn’t stop. While being sedated for 12 years, I had never dealt with anything, and now everything that I had buried was coming to the top. I weighed only 149 lbs, and my family thought I wouldn't make it. They pleaded for me to see a doctor, but I refused, believing that more drugs were not the answer if I was ever to recover. After two years, I was able to leave the house, and I learned to drive all over again. Little by little, I started to get my life back.

 

This month I will have four years of being TOTALLY DRUG FREE! Most of my troublesome symptoms have left. Mentally, I feel great. I exercise daily and eat a very healthy diet. Physically, I still have nerve pain and get fatigued once in a while, but I have confidence that this too will go away in time. I am working again and have gone back to school to take computer classes. Oh, by the way, I don't suffer from any more panic attacks or depression. Looking back at my rehab, I feel these doctors didn't know what they were doing by taking me off "cold turkey." They also suggested that I take antidepressants and BuSpar, which I refused. I felt that the only way I was going to make it was to NOT swallow any more pills but let my body heal on its own.

 

Thanks for letting me share my story.

 

 

Update: I am now five years drug-free and am COMPLETELY healed. I do not have the fatigue or nerve pain that I did when I wrote that story at my four-year mark.  I DO NOT believe we suffer permanent damage but some of us take longer to heal.