JACKIE'S STORY: My life after benzos is the coolest ever – nothing sucks and everything is great!!

[WebDevElijah]

JACKIE'S STORY:

 

This person was put on 0.5 mg Xanax three times (tid) daily. It was prescribed for bereavement-related anxiety. She quickly developed a tolerance (when more of the drug is needed to be effective), and the dosage was increased. This kept happening over a period of 6 years until she was taking 8 mg daily. Her withdrawal problems began during these periods of tolerance, and she thought she had developed a serious psychological problem.

 

When her doctor stopped increasing the dose and tolerance withdrawal once again set in, she got her husband to check her into a mental health institution. They stopped her medication without tapering. What she experienced during the cold-turkey detox would be too disturbing for me to write here. As you can imagine, it was extremely traumatic for her. She was faced with every conceivable symptom and more. It was only after her discharge, when her husband found the Ashton Manual online, that they realized the source of her problems.

 

When she first started writing to me, she was 2 and ½ years off. She was experiencing nausea, blurred vision, severe head pressure, head pain, confusion, dizziness, fatigue, restless legs at night, tinnitus, constant muscle spasms in her leg, constipation, benzo belly, burning pains in her leg that would come and go, stiff and painful neck with a burning spine, memory problems, repetitive thoughts, difficulty understanding conversations, itchy rash, and withdrawal-induced depression.

 

Most of these symptoms came in waves, but some were constant. Around 34 months off, she noticed that some symptoms were beginning to lessen in intensity. This was short-lived, however, and she was hit with a very intense wave of severe symptoms. She described it as worse than any of the previous waves had been.

 

I was relieved to have received another email soon after the 3-year mark saying that the restless legs, repetitive thoughts, and muscle spasms had stopped suddenly. She was, at last, able to sleep for more than two hours each night. Other symptoms persisted, but she was beginning to feel much better. At 38 months off, more symptoms disappeared, and she was left with just blurred vision, dizziness, and the itchy rash.

 

A few months later, at approximately 41 months off, she emailed to say that apart from the odd symptom surfacing for very short periods, she felt completely healed. Although she was thrown and very discouraged by the severe wave, she kept telling herself that her healing was taking place. This was difficult with the withdrawal-induced depression, but she could not allow herself to give up hope. She kept telling herself that she had already been through so much, her situation could only improve.

 

Her final email brought tears to my eyes. She sounded so ecstatic. After more than three years of terrible insomnia, she was enjoying many hours of sound, refreshing sleep. The silence after the tinnitus was, according to her, “like heaven.” Being symptom-free and back in charge of her life was a joy for her. She even joked about her husband not being able to stop celebrating the return of his beloved wife. The best thing for her was knowing that she did not have permanent damage, which was her greatest fear during the whole journey.

 

I love her story. At the time of our email exchanges, I was still having waves of symptoms and so found her last few emails very encouraging. Like me, she and her husband absolutely adore Professor Ashton. They strongly believe she would have been misdiagnosed and given inappropriate treatment had her husband not found the Ashton Manual.

 

I hope that you, too, will find this story reassuring in some way. As you know, the recovery process is unique, and hers unfolded according to her schedule. But just being reminded that we do heal should bring new moments of hope. As she said in her final email, “There is no way that I have permanent brain damage! My life after benzos is the coolest ever – nothing sucks and everything is great. I deserve a special medal!”