JODIES'S STORY: After years on 10mg of Ativan, I have a wonderful new life

[WebDevElijah]

JODIES'S STORY: 

 

 

This person was nineteen when she was first prescribed lorazepam (Ativan) for panic attacks. She quickly developed tolerance, and the dosage was periodically increased until she was on 10 mg daily.

 

After eleven years on the drug, she began to feel much worse than when she initially took it. She experienced cognitive and other problems and, as she said, “was in a total mess.” Her doctor was reluctant to help her discontinue the drug, so she decided to taper off without his assistance. She tapered off over a two-month period. She was worried about missing work, was not aware of the Ashton or any other method, and just wanted to be benzo free.

 

She had a very intense withdrawal with just about every symptom conceivable. She refers to it as ‘true benzo hell.’ When she wrote to the Helpline, she was in her third year off and was very frustrated and quite depressed at what she felt was slow progress. She was still experiencing terrible brain fog, muscle pain with burning, insomnia, high anxiety, mood swings, and a host of other problems. She felt that her worst symptom was the terrible feeling of impending doom.

 

Most of her family and friends were no longer interested in her ‘drama,’ which they felt was self-inflicted. She said that on many occasions, she felt like giving up and was worried that she would sink into a deep depression or give in to the suicidal repetitive thoughts she was having at the time.

Thankfully, in early 2008, she stumbled upon the old “Lights In My Windows” website and, for the first time in years, began to feel encouraged. She started doing the diaphragmatic breathing technique and kept talking to herself positively. She wasn’t keen on affirmations but found that positively talking herself through the symptoms stirred something deep inside her. A will to survive her nightmare was ignited.

 

A few months later, she experienced her first ‘window’ of clarity. She was overjoyed but also quite tentative and still unsure of her recovery. It was a brief window, and another wave soon came crashing. This setback threw her off course; she said it almost broke her completely.

 

It was also at that time that she became more determined than ever to survive. She felt that letting go of the process was important and made the decision to totally surrender. That way, she would be allowing her recovery to unfold in its own time. She started to observe her symptoms without becoming upset. Though they persisted for a few more months, this new attitude made the experience a lot less unpleasant than it had previously been.

 

By late 2008, her symptoms started disappearing. She wrote that she had not wanted to say anything in case they returned. After being four months symptom-free, she felt ready to celebrate her recovery. She still has the occasional re-emergence of the odd symptom but nothing worthy of concern.

 

She is now in her mid-thirties. She lost a lot of her prime years to Ativan but is relieved that that chapter of her life is over. She is happy to be given another chance and is carving a new life for herself. What has been her biggest blessing is that, since her recovery, she has had no panic episodes or any return of the pre-existing anxiety. She has been using all the coping techniques she learned during withdrawal to cope with her underlying condition and has no intentions of ever again taking medication for anxiety.