Things get better I’m heading for University 🙏

[Serena]

Hey,

I just want to really encourage you, that things do get better. I’ve been on Val for about 19 years.

I had spent years trapped in my symptoms not knowing what was all the issues.
Having so many disabling symptoms for so long I’d began to believe I was dying.

After being told I’d got scar tissue on my lungs I’d be dead or on a gas mask in 5 years.
My life really took a turn for the worse- a week after my 40th birthday that was,

So I was at our local funeral directors to start paying for my funeral! I’d could hardly breath so read up everything the doctors highlighted about glass module on my lungs. Convinced I was finally getting my prays answered to leave this pain filled body I was waiting to die!
Bazaar but I was relieve there was a name for what was making me so poorly.

That was the start of 2023.

2024 came I’d been referred to the chest clinic, after telling my close friend I was on my way home to heaven….

After my fear built up I was all set to die I was just getting sicker and sicker weaker and more sleepy.

I developed lumps in my niph nodes a for many year but now i was finding more…

4 cancer test this year alone. Trapped in fear isolation literally sickness after sickness weight loss, depression, suicidal thought, heart problems, breathing problems, leg pain muscle weakness, pins an needles, swollen niph node, hair loss, tremors, extreme fatigue, memory loss, brain fog shacking, anxiety that kept you house bound, stomach issues, fear of everything, paranoid, no will to live just to name a few side effects felt in tolerance.

I was convinced I was dying.

Getting sent for a cancer stern of my lung a phone call from a specialist confirmed that my lungs were not filled with glass nodules!

There was no cancer!
I was so angry so what the hell is making me so sick?

What was the reason why I’m so poorly a sick every day….
I knew down in my heart it was the medication. I’d told my doctors for years I wanted to get off- but always given antidepressants when I’ve asked or told one more test then if that comes back we’ll follow up.

Never being followed up never being told just what this Val does to you.

 

After a horrible holiday to turkey, I say that because finding joy at that time was almost impossible. Even on holiday I walked round the hotel tears streaming down my face…

this was not me….

To top it off 12 day sickness bug, I’d had enough almost at deaths door I made the best decision of my life.

I was going to get off the medication. I started to reduce by 2 mil every 6 weeks.

i went through hell! 
DO NOT JUST STOP  

I was going too fast. The side effects were unbelievable. After reaching a manic sate I reached out one morning and called a rehab.

Thank God I never had the money to go, as they rapid detox you and that the last thing my body needed. I reach out to my Gp. She was a newer doctor, she didn’t hesitate to help seeming the manic state I was in. I also got a benzo support group here in the uk.

finally if got someone who didn’t think I was crazy. The lady knew exactly what was going on.

That was it I’d finally found some support the lady wrote up a slow taper script, dropping quarter of a tablet every 21 days.

I will not lie it has been the hardest year of my life! After loosing my mom to cancer a been through two loves one commuting suicide I know I’m a strong person- although this almost broke me. For 6 months I couldn’t function, I was completely bed bound at times.
Sometimes about day 18 of my drop go out for 10-15 mins. If I could get out. The mental fear was so bad. Let alone all the pain and discomfort my body was in.

I kept praying I have faith and it helped. Days I could not see a way out I had faith to know I will beat this. Knowing that all the symptoms was down to withdrawal helped silence the fear.  
Now i am down to 2.5 mils I started to get my identity back, in October glimpses of the old Serena were there. 
no longer dying no longer in constant fear an anxiety. I can not express how much better I feel!

I still have symptoms please don’t get me wrong- the comparison of what I was to what I am now is insane.

I had a bad phobia of the hair dressers for years I’ve never got my hair done.

I can say after 16 year I went an had a cut an colour an enjoyed every minute of it.

The fear that goes with the Val is unbelievable.

I have just started a .5 drop today I have 1 tablet an a quarter to take-

from 5 a night.

Be encouraged it’s not the end just the beginning!! 
I love learning and wanted something to do to keep my brain functioning.

As I know can think more clearly.

some days it’s hard-

I’ve join a university- to my delight I got in and I start February. I am going in as a disabled learner, aware of my road ahead still.

 The original reason why I took med are still there. Although the 100’s of side effect are now down to 15-20 side effects that after 19 years of suffering.

I am no longer bound in fear an anxiety every day so much so it steals your breath away.

Yes the effects are somewhat uncomfortable, no wear near as bad as when I was taking them and in tolerance.

My brain is no longer cloudy I can think much better than I have in years.

my speech is a bit off and some days I’m a little simple in my abilities and vocabulary.

But I am alive an not on death row so to speak.

So be encouraged things do get better in time. I know I haven’t jumped off completely yet. I have faith that will help me overcome any issues I will face in the near future.

I lost so many years being trapped in my mind an body.

if only I knew what I knew now…

For years I couldn’t see a future.

Now I see that there is hope.
Reaching for a chance of life.

The physical side effect was and are still tough, 

Yes I still have symptoms

Yes I still am not off them….

Yes some days are worse than others….

Yes you can do this!

One day one step at a time

 

 

[WebDevElijah]

Thank you so much for your story. I am so happy that you have come so far.  Keep moving forwarding and enjoy life