RUTH'S STORY: My complex but SUCCESSFUL withdrawal from benzo's and opioids. "OMG I DID IT :) "

[WebDevElijah]

RUTH'S STORY: 

 

When I envisioned writing my success story, I imagined waking up one day, feeling great, and crafting the post. However, my journey was far more gradual and, at times, excruciatingly slow.

 

This past summer, I embarked on a series of adventures that transformed my life. I frequented the theater, flew to Disney for a few days, drove to the ocean for the rest of the week, flew home, and welcomed company over two or three times a week. I also resumed the grocery shopping task that I had passed on to my son and cleaned my house from attic to basement, with the invaluable assistance of my cleaning lady.

 

In essence, I’ve been living a relatively normal life, which, in my opinion, is the true definition of success. My story is extensive, so I’ve decided to categorize it for easier reading.

 

Now, let’s delve into the reasons behind my journey.

 

 

WHY I WAS ON BENZOS

 

To summarize, I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, and I believe my medication regimen was, in my opinion, inadequate. As a result, I spiraled into a downward spiral. Each medication I took brought on new side effects, necessitating the addition of more medications to address those issues. The more medicated I became, the more fatigued and helpless I felt. Ironically, I had never experienced clinical depression or an anxiety disorder until I was medicated. I must admit, I was on Klonopin for approximately 10 years before I finally realized the error of my ways. I only took it at night, convinced that I had developed a fatigue disorder. It was a frustrating and disheartening experience.

 

 

WHY I WENT OFF OF BENZOS

 

About seven years ago, I sought the guidance of a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner due to feelings of anxiety and mild depression. After some time, she expressed her concern about the excessive number of medications I was taking, given my lack of a history of psychiatric issues. At that point, I was on a cocktail of Effexor, Topamax, Adderall, Armour Thyroid, and Klonopin. I decided to discontinue all of them except Klonopin and was in the process of tapering off that medication when I suffered a severe neck herniation. Surprisingly, the doctor actually increased my Klonopin dosage (from about 0.5 to 2 mg) because I wasn’t experiencing any adverse effects.

 

Sleeping at all was a challenge during this time. I was still fairly naive about benzodiazepines. I eventually had neck surgery and then suffered a severe back injury. I underwent two major back surgeries and was prescribed an opioid (OPANA) while still taking a benzodiazepine. This is where things spiraled out of control. I was constantly experiencing tolerance withdrawal. I was so exhausted that I couldn’t function. My pain doctor warned me that this combination was extremely dangerous and that I needed to discontinue the klonopin.

 

For the next two years, I gradually tapered off both the benzodiazepine and the opioid at different times and rates. However, the process was incredibly difficult. There’s a synergistic effect between a benzodiazepine and an opioid that makes each one more potent. When I was tapering off the benzodiazepine, I also experienced withdrawal symptoms from the opioid. I found myself stuck at a dosage of 0.375 mg of klonopin and switched to approximately 7 Valium. I then tapered off that dosage at a rate of about 1 mg per week.

 

I was left with the opioid taper, which was equally challenging. In the last January, I sought medical supervision and underwent a medically supervised detoxification.

 

Symptoms Experienced During Taper:

 

- Metallic taste in the mouth

- Headache

- Head pressure

- Electrical pulses in the face

- Eye pain

- Sinus pain

- Sensitivity to light and sound

- Ear aches resembling the onset of an infection

- Teeth pain

- Jaw pain

- Sore throat

- Swollen glands

- Shoulder pain

- Back ache

- Chest tightness

- Stomach felt swollen

- Stomach ache

- Thirst

- Gastrointestinal symptoms

- All-over body aches and pain

- Feeling off-balance

- Dizziness

- Cold sores

- Extreme temperature fluctuations from very cold to very hot

- Flashbacks of painful memories

- Inability to sleep

- Lack of motivation

- Lethargy

- Overfocusing

- Anxiety and depression

 

I was incredibly fearful, which ultimately made it difficult for me to participate in this forum. I was terrified that someone would end their life. I was also afraid of being featured on someone’s blog who would mock this process.

 

Looking back, I realize how silly that blog was. However, I couldn’t see it then.

 

If I hadn’t suspected it was a withdrawal from benzodiazepines or opioids, I would have genuinely believed I was dying. I’ve had numerous medical issues throughout my life, and those who know me consider me strong and resilient. However, the tapering process was incredibly challenging for me.

 

 

Tapering:

 

There’s a lot of discussion on this forum about taper rates. In an ideal scenario with minimal symptoms, I would have gradually reduced my benzodiazepine intake. Unfortunately, I didn’t even know that was an option until it was too late. Additionally, I was heavily dependent on opioids, which complicated matters further. I wish I had switched to Valium instead and gradually reduced my Klonopin dosage, dividing it into two daily doses. Since I was experiencing symptoms throughout the tapering process, I simply wanted to get off the medication as quickly as possible. It pains me to see people micro-tapering off small amounts of Valium when they are still symptomatic. In my opinion, if you have severe symptoms, it’s crucial to proceed quickly to enter the healing phase. I swear I didn’t notice the fatigue subside until I was completely off the benzodiazepines.

 

Opiate Taper:

 

As I continued the taper, my condition worsened. I eventually found a medical detox facility that was conveniently located across the country and would not use Suboxone. However, I had some reservations about the process because they heavily relied on medications. Nevertheless, by the end of the week, I had reduced my medication intake significantly. I continued taking Clonidine for a few weeks after that and then stopped it. I also took Melatonin for a few months and then discontinued it as well.

 

 

What Helped:

 

This forum provided valuable validation for my symptoms. I recognized that my symptoms were more severe than many others, but I was also on opioids, which exacerbated the situation. I had experienced a range of symptoms long before I discovered this forum, and seeing that others were also experiencing them was comforting. However, I didn’t spend excessive time researching each symptom individually. Instead, I attributed them all to benzodiazepine withdrawal and moved on. I had supportive doctors, particularly a Nurse Practitioner who provided me with unwavering encouragement.

 

Throughout my recovery, I found solace in various online blogs, exploring topics beyond benzodiazepines. I delved into decorating, parenting, and recipe blogs, seeking distractions from my struggles. I even embarked on a journey of self-expression by starting my own blog, where I openly discussed health and motherhood under a pseudonym.

 

I also indulged in binge-watching TV shows, devouring entire seasons of beloved series like How I Met Your Mother, Sex and the City, The Office, Friends, and Mad Men. Whenever possible, I took walks, which proved beneficial in managing my symptoms.

 

Dietary modifications played a significant role in improving my condition. I made conscious choices to reduce caffeine intake during my taper phase, and I also avoided neurotoxins found in certain foods, which further contributed to my well-being. My current diet emphasizes lean proteins, an abundance of vegetables, and moderate amounts of fruit. However, I must admit that when I deviate from this clean eating regimen, my symptoms can intensify.

 

Now, I understand why many individuals who recover from benzodiazepine addiction struggle to share their success stories. The experience felt so overwhelming and surreal that it often seemed like it happened to someone else. Despite this, I vividly recall every moment of my journey, which felt like an endless and hellish challenge. However, I have managed to detach myself from those intense emotions, and talking about benzodiazepines no longer holds the same level of interest for me, which I believe is a positive sign.

 

Throughout my taper, I also faced numerous family challenges, particularly with a young adult daughter struggling with alcohol and drug abuse. These difficulties nearly drained my energy and spirit. Within two months of my final opiate dose, I made the decision to seek professional help by hiring an interventionist. She successfully guided my daughter to treatment, where she has remained for five months.

 

Today, my home is filled with peace and tranquility, and my other children are thriving in college. While my life is far from perfect, I can confidently say that I began this journey many years ago with a bladder disease and was severely over-medicated, leading to the loss of my voice and sense of self. I have successfully completed this journey with the same bladder disease, but I now manage it with only one medication: Elmeron, a relatively benign drug. I am gradually regaining strength in my back and overall physical well-being.

 

Getting stronger through exercise and diet, I’ve returned to my true self. I have season tickets to the ballet and a few other theater companies. I see friends and family throughout the week. I’m currently searching for a part-time nanny position to earn some extra money and fill some of the quiet space in my life since my children are away more often. Two years ago, I barely functioned. Today, taking a shower is no big deal, which was one of my most challenging activities for more days than I care to admit.

 

I often think of all of you and pray for your success. Many of you have supported me on this journey at different times, so THANK YOU, everyone! You are a courageous bunch, and I’ve learned a lot from you. This forum is a valuable resource for many, and I applaud the efforts of all who run it.

 

A few weeks ago, I drove to pick up my son from college, which is about a 2.5-hour drive away. Unfortunately, I had car trouble and broke down in a very small town on Labor Day weekend, where most businesses were closed. To make a long story short, what would normally be a five-hour round trip took about nine hours due to various issues. Despite the inconvenience, I remained calm and composed, and we eventually arrived at our destination. After surviving the challenging process of tapering off benzos and opiates, I’ve grown accustomed to dealing with normal life problems. I shrug my shoulders, count my blessings, and keep moving forward.

 

I genuinely wish you all a return to the normal ebbs and flows of life. Honestly, if I’ve recovered, anyone can.

 

LOVE,

RUTH

 

PS OMG, I did it!