TOM'S STORY: From a 12mg Xanax addiction to Zero. I am finally Free

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TOM'S STORY:

 

I never imagined my life would be consumed by benzodiazepines. Like many others, my story began in my youth when I started buying Xanax off the streets. What began as casual use to cope with stress and anxiety quickly spiraled into a full-blown addiction. Before I knew it, I was taking 12mg of Xanax daily. It became my way of navigating life, but in reality, it took over every aspect of my existence. For 13 years, I relied on Xanax, believing it was the only way I could manage, unaware of the immense toll it was taking on my body, mind, and soul.

 

The Cold-Turkey Nightmare

One day, thinking I could break free, I decided to quit cold turkey. I had no understanding of the dangers or the havoc this abrupt decision would wreak. Within days, I was plunged into a living nightmare. The physical symptoms were excruciating—relentless tremors, chest pain, muscle spasms, and nausea. Mentally, I was consumed by panic attacks, paranoia, and an overwhelming sense of despair.

The worst moment came when I had a seizure. It was terrifying and felt like my body was shutting down entirely. That seizure was a turning point. It made me realize that quitting benzodiazepines without guidance or a plan wasn’t just dangerous—it was life-threatening. I knew then that I couldn’t face this journey alone.

 

Seeking Professional Help

Determined to find a way out, I sought the help of an addiction doctor who specialized in benzodiazepine dependence. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The doctor understood the complexities of my situation and reassured me that there was a way forward, albeit a slow and deliberate one.

 

We started with a long-term tapering plan. Over the course of two years, I reduced my Xanax dose from 12mg to 5mg. This phase wasn’t easy, but it was manageable with the doctor’s guidance. I experienced withdrawal symptoms during this time, but they were nowhere near as severe as the cold-turkey attempt. The gradual reductions allowed my body to adjust incrementally, and I began to see a glimmer of hope.

 

Once I reached 5mg of Xanax, we decided it was time to cross over to Valium. The longer half-life of Valium makes it more suitable for tapering, as it provides a more stable reduction process. I transitioned to 100mg of Valium, marking the start of a new phase in my recovery journey.

 

Embracing the Liquid Micro-Taper

The shift to a liquid micro-taper was a game-changer for me. Using a liquid suspension allowed for incredibly precise dose reductions—often as little as 1ml at a time. This method gave me control over the process and ensured that each reduction was small enough for my central nervous system (CNS) and body to adapt without major shocks.

 

I set a steady schedule for my taper, reducing my dose every few weeks, depending on how my body responded. The gradual pace made a world of difference. To my surprise, the liquid micro-taper was not just effective—it was relatively easy compared to everything I’d experienced before. For the first time in years, I felt like I had the upper hand in my battle against benzodiazepines.

 

Seeking Jesus in My Darkest Moments

During the slow taper, I faced moments of deep struggle, especially when I hit a plateau or my symptoms flared up. In my darkest hours, I turned to Jesus, pouring out my heart and asking for complete healing. I prayed with all my might, asking Him to guide me through this journey and restore my life.

 

That moment of surrender brought me a peace I hadn’t felt in years. I believed in His promise to heal me, and I held onto that faith throughout the rest of my taper. Little by little, as I reduced my dose, I began to see improvements—not just in my body but in my soul.

 

A Remarkable Transformation

The next 2.5 years of tapering off Valium were transformative. As the dosage got lower, I began to notice changes I hadn’t anticipated. My anxiety lessened, my mood improved, and I felt more connected to the world around me. It was as though I was rediscovering parts of myself that had been buried under years of medication and dependency.

 

I won’t claim the journey was entirely without challenges. There were days when I felt fatigued or when minor symptoms cropped up, but they were manageable and fleeting. Compared to the cold-turkey withdrawal and the initial years of dependency, these struggles were minimal. I firmly believe that the slow pace of the liquid micro-taper allowed my CNS to heal incrementally, making each reduction more tolerable.

 

Freedom at Last

When I finally reached the end of my taper, it was a moment of immense relief and pride. The first three weeks after my final dose brought a wave of acute withdrawal symptoms—insomnia, heightened anxiety, and occasional restlessness. These symptoms were intense but not overwhelming, and I trusted the process, knowing they would eventually subside.

 

True to form, after those initial weeks, my body began to stabilize. My sleep improved, my energy returned, and the anxiety that had plagued me for so long became a faint memory. Each passing day reinforced the belief that the slow taper had been the key to my recovery.

 

I knew deep in my heart that my prayers had been answered. Jesus had guided me through the storm, and I emerged stronger, healthier, and more whole than I had ever been.

 

Living Fully Healed

Today, I can confidently say that I am 100% healed. My CNS has fully recovered, and I am living a life I once thought was impossible. I’m working, traveling, and experiencing joy in ways I never imagined. I wake up each day filled with gratitude for the freedom I’ve regained.

I’m deeply thankful to Jesus for His healing touch and to everyone who supported me along the way—my addiction doctor, my friends, and the many people in online communities who shared their stories and encouragement.

What I Learned

This journey taught me patience, resilience, and the importance of faith. The slow taper wasn’t just a method—it was a lifeline that allowed me to regain control over my life and heal fully. I learned to trust the process, even when progress seemed slow, and to celebrate the small victories along the way.

 

 

For Those Still Struggling

If you’re facing a similar challenge, know that recovery is possible. It takes time, determination, and the right support system, but freedom is within reach. The journey may be long, but every step brings you closer to reclaiming your life.

 

I hope my story inspires you to keep going. Take it one step at a time, trust the process, and believe in your strength. Healing is not just possible—it’s inevitable with the right approach. If I can do it, so can you.

 

Final Thoughts

Looking back, I’m grateful for every moment of this journey—the struggles, the victories, and the lessons learned. They’ve shaped me into the person I am today, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

 

To anyone reading this, hold on. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and you are stronger than you know. Keep going—you’re worth it.

 

Tom