Words of Hope

This page includes poems, texts and other inspirational messages written by survivors of withdrawal. My grateful thanks to everyone for messages of hope to help us though this nightmare. Please send me any poems, prose, photos, art work or inspirational messages to add here.

Thank You

Quotes from Benzo Survivors

1. The important concept that I want to share is the contrast between the suffering of withdrawal and the joy of a new life. I don't think there are words to descrive how completely different your life will be after you move through the rough stage of your withdrawal which you think will never end.

2. Your horrible thoughts and feelings and loneliness is all a benzo lie - just a chemical storm in your brain that appears to be real - VERY real - but it's just a lie, and you must not let these lies take you out.

3. Give yourself the opportunity to live long enough for the possibillity of a new life.
You do not have to believe it, just be open to the possibilliy...
Allow for the possibillity of a new life, and it will happen.

4. I talked to a therapist today who has also been through a horrific protracted withdrawal, I wanted to share what she told me whith all of my friends on here who are suffering a protracted withdrawal.

Point one: Withdrawal effectivley reduces you to an exposed raw nerve. You are completely exposed to every stress and that stress is basically experienced without a filter, without a buffer. You have to limit the stressors you are exposed to however you can.

Point two: Withdrawal ends. Period. She has seen and counseled thousands of people in withdrawal from benzos and other psychiatric medications and she said she has never seen someone not recover, even with the ost horrific of cases and the most protraced of cases. She says we will all return to being inside of our own skin. inside of our own minds and in control of our thoughts, feeling and emotions.

Point three: Hope. You have to hold onto hope and the reality that the body has an intrinsic capabillity to heal from this kind of traumatic injury. It might take a long time, it might get worse before it gets better, it might drag you to the edges of hell and dangle you above the fire, but your body is strong and resilient. Hope, it is a requirement to survive this experience.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with all of you, and for myself (becuase I will forget by tomorrow that I even talked to her).

5. Healing eventually happens for us all. At some point the terror will fade, and you will finally start to be able to distinguish between corrupted brain thoughts and what is real, You just need to hand on. Keep telling yourself that those thoughts and fears are not real and even though you won't always believe it (I definitely didn't), it will help over time to retrain your mind. Try to find the place within you that is untouched by all of this, that still knows what is good, true and beautiful in life, and hand on tight, You will make it out, and your brain will recover. I promise.

Benzo Warrior's Rap Song

Excuse me doctor...mister pill popper ..there's somethin wrong wit what ur doin here
My skins on fire ..my brains a mess...and I'm filled wit all dis fear

Now years ago
When i didn't even know
U put me on this pill
It felt so goid but I misunderstood
That this shit would make me il

I lay in bed filled with dread and my legs they barely move
My ass is fat and I've lost the nack to even watch the news
Now my peeps are sufferin everywhere and that is oh so sad
It's the benzo woes I speak of yo
And dammit they're really bad

You see my breath is funky
Food tastes junkiie
And man I think i stink
Cause I have no power to take a shower
and my hair's all in the sink
Somedays I swear I just don't care
but time is passin by
This shit is real ... ur life it steals
And only God knows why.

by Thad

Some Thoughts on Life

You never fail until you’re satisfied with failure. – Failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. Sometimes you have to fail a thousand times to succeed. Which means you haven’t really failed yet; you’ve just found a bunch of ways that don’t work. So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that you miss every new opportunity coming your way. All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones on your way to the one idea that does. As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
What you have learned is what’s important. – Life always offers you a second chance – it’s called tomorrow. But this second chance doesn’t mean anything if you haven’t learned from the events of today. You have to acknowledge your troubles but gather strength from them, and laugh at your mistakes but learn from them. Getting a second chance in life is about giving yourself the opportunity to grow beyond your past failures. It’s about learning as you go and positively adjusting your attitude and efforts toward future possibilities.
Tough times are just part of life’s natural balance. – Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. And life looks different through everyone’s eyes. In fact, who you were, who you are, and who you will become are three completely different people. And as you gradually grow beyond the person you were yesterday, keep life's challenges in perspective. Hear life’s harmony, and notice the delicate balance. Realize that life is like playing a grand piano. The white keys create your happiness and the black keys denote your troubles. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also create music.
Pain helps you grow. – Sometimes things must change so you can change. Sometimes you must break a little so you can get a peek inside to see what an awesome powerhouse you are. Sometimes mistakes must be made so wisdom can be earned. Sometimes you must overcome heartache so you can begin to follow your heart again.
Success is a way of living. – Don’t let your struggles become your identity. Not everything in your life will go as you expect it to. This is why you need to drop expectations, live in the present, and go with the flow, rather than against it. Remind yourself that it’s perfectly okay not to be perfect. Ultimately, success is not something you achieve, it is what you learn and how you grow as you deal with the realities of life – it is a way of living and being.

-Scott Hart

In recovery we experience tremendous chemical induced anxiety and fear. The fear center of your brain is thought to be the amygdala. As gaba receptors, (gaba), are responsible for the calming of our emotions and nerves, it stands to reason that when we are left without it's functioning properly, we'll have unrealistic fears and scary thoughts. And couple that with the fact that symptoms are so strange and bizarre, and most cannot be accounted for medically, it's no wonder it's rampant!
The fact is our central nervous system controls pretty much our entire sense of well being. As it heals it is unpredictable and can throw us around like debris in a tornado! It is also quite logical that it can in turn cause us to be traumatized by these events and unreal fears. This will all subside as the CNS heals. But I also know for myself challenging myself to face my fears head on gave me strength, and helped to speed up healing in this area I believe. By setting small goals for ourselves (exposure therapy if you will), empowers us to conquer our fears and anxiety over them. If you are afraid to get out of the house, or socialize, set a small goals for yourself to just go out for a small amount of time. Chances are it will not be as bad as you think. Either way it is the knowing you can do it that gives you strength and courage to keep on setting larger goals. Pretty soon you will find it's not such a problem anymore. Fear tends to feed upon itself, and most of the time things we are afraid of never come to fruition. Blessings Dear Hearts!!

-Cari Garrison

I Was In Your Shoes

I was in your shoes

I was once on benzos.
I was once sick on benzos
I didn't understand why I was getting sick
I was taken off benzos
I was taken off cold
I was on them 23 years
I was sicker than I could have ever dreamed possible
I soldiered on
I stopped dwelling in the past
I learned to accept the process
I won
I was once in your shoes
I an stronger than ever before
I learned how to make myself believe I would get better
I then did get better
I didn't stop believing
I stood against the wind
I didn't fall over
I did bend but didn't break
I didn't give up
I wanted to give up
I didn't
I waited
I won
I won you will win
I wouldn't let this drug take more
I would never give up
I learned how to crawl
I learned how to stand
I learned to walk
I learned to help others
I learned how to beat anxiety
I learned to live again
I found the real me
I like her
I didn't like the benzo me
I didn't know her
I refuse to met her again
She was sick
I am stronger than her
I am a warrior
I am proud
I am humbled
I am human
I was in your shoes
I want you to know
I want you to see
I want you to live
I want you to be patient
I want you to know that you will be the one writing this to others one day
I was in your shoes

I care deeply for you
I will dance with you when you win too

By Karen

It seems like recovery will go on forever, like our world is in black and white while we try to walk through our day in a haze of pain and anxiety. Watching the people around us living their lives oblivious to us and our pain. I remember so many months that went on like this for me, I thought they would never end! I was actually jealous of my cat lol, because I would watch her run and leap up onto the couch where I was resting, effortless, then settle down in her little spot and go right to sleep! I thought, I wish I was you for one day so I could run around, and sit down without pain lol! I was so miserable! I can laugh now because the good news is it did change, and I am so much better now, I feel worlds away from the skinny, feeble wreck I was 7 months ago. I know it is exhausting but we have to force ourselves to keep going, and try to do things even if we cannot yet. Some day you will! Some day you will look back and see you are not the same as you were, but better, you will have a new confidence and strength! And you will walk with your head up high having walked to the end! ~ Blessings and peace to all!

A Benzo Rap

get back, click-clack, pow... im not afraid... we can walk this road together.. everybody... take a stand... until we are free forever... no more intoxicating... so sedating... mass frustrated.. no more pills to make you feel like you are somewhere else,,,, your not yourself... you dont remember... last September... how could you let them take your mind... your so sublime... no need to rhyme... when your feeling fine... how many times did i walk the line... before i saw... i was losing my mind....i was so far down at the end of the road... i had no where to turn... i went back to the doctor that said that he could help me... instead he just left me and told me i was the one that was doing it all wrong you see... in and and out of hospitals and detoxes and rehabs left me in hell i was all alone... in the end they took everything... even my sanity... my family... my job and career... and my own self respect ... how could i feel like a man when they did all that to me? And still i sit here trapped inside of my head try to get get free,,, my body still sick from the toxins and poisons they planted in me... In the end all that matters is that im not who i once was... but i am a finally free from all their lies and the insanity.... No more pills or words that i cant be who i want to be... So ill take it... and leave it all behind me... like a crazy dream or nightmare someone came to haunt me... i'll leave it behind and i am finally free....

-By Scott

When the waves are crashing down around you and you're blinded by the darkness hang on! Grab ahold of anything that you can to keep you afloat and head toward the shore! I am sure we've all heard many stories of people who have encountered horrific situations where are they faced with imminent death; a car crash, an attack from a deadly predator, or an terrible accident, you get the idea? They're always in the news. But do you ever wonder how they broke free and got out of danger? They have an amazing will to survive which is built into all of us. They did not give up, they fought, they used their anger and fear that would dare to threaten their lives, to save their lives. They were determined and chose to believe they could make it, even when they could have easily given in! In many ways recovery is no different. So we must be like people in these situations, after looking into the mouth of adversity, we must get angry at it and use this to summon up courage and faith to push ourselves to get better! This is righteous anger that I'm talking about, not bitterness, but an anger toward our situations symptoms trying to steal our lives and happiness from us. This means speaking healing to our bodies and mind so that it becomes a force of nature to propel us forward! And by using the power of our positivity we form a drive to get better, and we begin to have more fortitude to keep going! Because we will get better, and we will heal!????courage dear hearts!Cari Garrison

The Ghost Train

Withdrawal reminds me of those terrifying rides on the ghost train as a child...... i.e the anticipatory fear, followed by extreme reality of fear, never knowing what lies around the next corner, all the terror associated bodily manifestations of fear ( jelly legs, nausea, shaking, dizzyness,etc...etc..... ). The good news is, we all eventually get off so to speak, and I also remember the relief and deep gratitude I felt as a child, when that ride came to an end, and I was able to feel my little feet firmly on the ground, breathe in the air and connect.

-From Tanya

No matter how long your road has been, or how impossible it seems, you will get there This time last year I thought my life the way I knew it was over, but I am starting to feel like myself more and more. I am15 months out and I am still traveling on same road. A long way to go, I still get tired, I still have a lot of pain and other symptoms. But I am getting farther down toward home. I hope you are feeling some improvements wherever you are, and if not don't despair, flowers grow beneath the ground before they explode into a blossom. You will soon walk in my foot prints or maybe even pass me by along the way. Either way you are going to be alright! ~ Blessings and healing to all

We're just like this while recovering, thinking we're going to fall off the stage of life any minute but somehow we keep holding on, getting through and surviving another day. Sometimes we can only do this by moving forwards from minute to minute, day to day but knowing all is going to be well in the end. Smile, keep moving forwards and we will all reach a place of wellness again. ??

The human body is amazingly resiliant, and it is much stronger than you think! It may seem like you are not getting anywhere, but even when you are having a bad day, tiny miracles are happening inside! Think of how a baby grows in its mothers womb, each minute it is busy changing and forming into perfection. We cannot see those things happening, but they are. Just like you cannot see a wound heal from the inside; you bandage it on the outside and trust that in a few days your body will have knitted it together. You just make sure to keep it clean and your body does the rest! Recovery is much the same. We just need proper nutrition, good sleep hygiene, time, and trust. The body takes care of the rest! Try not worry, it is going to be alright! Blessings to all!

Till the Storm Passes By

We had a bad thunder storm this afternoon. Bentley (our dog ) has always been terribly afraid of thunder and rain. He just litterly trembles and shakes and drools .. tries to hide. wants to sit near me, and just looks like he is going to die ...it absolutely breaks my heart...when it's over he is exhausted and finally sleeps...I am told by friends that dogs can have seizures from this fear and some give their dogs tranquilizers to prevent it..we would if he had a seizure.. but he just toughs it out ..when this first started it was about 3 or 4 years ago and I was beginning my depression and In the midst of anxiety attacks (didn't know what they were then) one day in the thunder and rain I was laying on the couch and he was on the floor just trembling and shaking his body actually moves with it....I had my hand on him talking ,tryinng to comfort him " its okay , you:ll be alright ..you are safe . its not going to hurt you ...we are fine " because in my heart I knew there was absolutely no danger except in his mind. but there is no way he understands that and he can not control the fear ...that day in a still small voice inside me God said" Betty you are as safe as he is..you don't have a thing to fear, I am In control and you are safe ..I understand you cant control your fear but just believe you are safe and don't worry about it..I understand.. you cant help it any more than he can..just remember that you are safe."...since then thunderstorms always make me remember how really safe I am in my storm..today as I watched Bentley in anguish again I said ..you are okay I know you don't understand me but I am here ..that is what he wants and that is all I can do it is so good to have someone who is justthere ...A dear frind reminded me this week "you dont have to be strong for me ..just br there!." The storm, passed and he calmed down .. Just a dog...yes but I love him and he is like a child to me..today I thought what a storm I am in the middle of....Benzo withdrawal and it is tearing me apart...but I am just as safe as can be although I don't feel it and everything that is me is trembling and drooling and tearing me apart...God sees me like I see Bentley...He knows I am safe ..He is sitting beside me ..better still inside me...and even though I am shaking to death ..it will be okay and it is alright to be afraid of what I cant control The storm will end ..There is a song that I google and listen to often....you may want to listen.".Till the Storm Passes by"

-From Betty

No matter if you are feeling like things are at a stand still, or if you feel overwhelmed by your circumstances. You just need to keep looking ahead and ignore the negative scary thoughts that try to hitch a ride with you! Throw them over the side, along with and nagging doubts that you cannot get through another day. Because you will, one day at a time, one hour at a time if need be.This temporary place in time will vanish some day! Until then listen for the gentle whispers in your heart that speak of positive things and of hope, they are there if you listen hard enough! You body telling you "I got this, just trust, and believe, I will do the rest!" courage dear hearts!

Keep going and remember why you started down this road. Sick, depressed and tired of being a slave to a drug that promised you would feel better, only to make your life a living hell! But you are in control now, you are the captain of your own ship, the person in the driver's seat. You say where to next! There may be hazardous waves along the way, but they will not sink you! Your destination to a better place awaits you, keep your radar set on that. Keep trusting you will arrive safely! Blessings It is hard not to feel like prisoner during this process, especially when the life you once knew has changed so drastically. Symptoms can be all consuming, and they can challenge you on every level it seems. There was a time when I could not run a single errand or leave the house hardly, as I was so weak and in so much pain! I am so grateful that I can now stay on my feet most of the day and actually run my errands. Today I had an apt. with my PCP who reaffirmed to me (as I have been saying), that the body is amazing at healing itself. Even things that were a prior must for surgery now have been proven to heal on their own given time and proper nutrition. Keep going dear friends and know you too will get better! Blessings and peace to all!

Keep going and remember why you started down this road. Sick, depressed and tired of being a slave to a drug that promised you would feel better, only to make your life a living hell! But you are in control now, you are the captain of your own ship, the person in the driver's seat. You say where to next! There may be hazardous waves along the way, but they will not sink you! Your destination to a better place awaits you, keep your radar set on that. Keep trusting you will arrive safely! Blessings to all!

Today was a good day I saw her working in her garden, her hair dancing in the wind. I watched her as the great, big, fuzzy dog ran around in furious circles with excitment. His joy at her presence, he has missed her playful voice outside as she tossed him his ball! I heard her again singing inside her home as she busied herself with the celebration of completing chores, starting projects. Each one a victory, maybe a trifle to some, or a tedious drudge, but not to her, it was like beautiful music to her soul, as she had not been able to live her life as she had known it for so long!! As the day turned to night, I saw her step in front of the mirror. She had never looked so beautiful, her messy hair, no makeup, she looked like the person I knew was me ! Today was a good day! In almost two years since my downward spiral began, I have not recognized myself so well. Even my pain was minimal today, which has not ever happened for me! Healing is happening! I am not there yet but i feel sure I am coming to a turn pike in the road ! And you will too, keep going! Blessings to all!

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