It's been a difficult and stressful month so far and writing about it is also difficult and stressful. I wasn't looking forward to my very big birthday but time inevitably strolls along until it becomes that fatal day when you officially reach old age! I've always looked on 70 as being the entrance to the Autumn of your life when health problems become inevitable and the future looks bleak. I now refuse to take this stance. Over the last five years I've had enough illness to last me until the end of my days. It's time to burst on the scene in blooming health and enjoy my Autumn with gay abandon and determination to be heard.
It didn't start well and my birthday was a total wipe out spent in the agony of an acute wave. We were away in our motor home supposedly visiting a son and family. I never even saw their house although they made a visit to the campsite on a previous day so at least I saw them. It came out of the blue after several days of normality. My body and brain really fought against turning into the big 7 0 and didn't want to go there. Of course the birthday happened but without celebration. I'm home again now, slept nine solid hours and back to normal! This contrary, indescribable illness won't tolerate the slightest stress without taking on battle mode. Good comes out of bad and the birthday wave has taught me a lot and made me rethink many of the plans that I've had on hold for how to live my life when fully repaired. I even feel stronger for it and ready to take action both on the Benzo front in the UK and on my own home front and future life.
I really think our illness can sometimes do us favours. It certainly makes us much stronger emotionally when it's run its course. I was never prescribed benzos for daytime anxiety or when facing stressful events but it seems, by taking them occasionally at night, my daytime living was dulled by the hangover effect and I was obviously living in an emotional haze. I never realised this but that haze is certainly lifting and I'm beginning to see clear skies that herald a different me. I just have to ride the waves that can still build up if I forget to pace myself or face any stress. They don't last long and it seems once they've broken I'm back walking the sandy shore again.
There are so many messages for others here. I'm nearly 31 months away from taking the occasional sleeping tablet as prescribed. I've learnt that nobody should ever be prescribed long term use of benzodiazepine drugs or anti depressants. In fact I would go so far as saying that nobody should ever be prescribed a tranquilliser, sleeping tablet or anti depressant without first exploring other avenues of help such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy or Counselling. No drug at all should be prescribed without regular three monthly reviews as to how it's affecting the patient. We must not rely on our medical system for help in controlling minor problems such as insomnia as doctors are seriously flawed in their knowledge of the side effects of the dangerous drugs they load on to us. They are totally unaware of the brain damage psychoactive drugs can inflict and totally unwilling to give the correct support when their patients cry for help. There is so much more but it still amazes me how this situation is allowed to prevail in today's society and go on and on year after year as more and more people are sucked into the chaos. I speak to many all over the world and there are countries more advanced in their knowledge than the UK but also, sadly there are others that flounder behind.
I intend to get my voice heard. My husband is already writing letter after letter to countless organisations and individuals in the UK. Recovery from any illness or any major, traumatic life event heralds a crusading effect. It can be a life threatening disease or a dramatic situation but it doesn't matter because it's the people that have suffered that get our plight recognised and action a change in present laws or situations. It's all really a matter of recognition and raising awareness until somebody hears us and the time bomb of ignorance is ignited until there's a huge explosion out there across the world. If I can do just a little to effect change then all this suffering has been worthwhile. I am planning to ignite a few bombs in the UK as my recovery continues.
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