Weakening Waves

Hello at last. I’ve been waiting to see what happens before writing an update. I have had several relatively peaceful weeks then a wave hit on Saturday, out of the blue and sent me bemoaning the unfairness of all this after suffering so long. I had a couple of nights of total insomnia as my heart rate revved up and anxiety overwhelmed me. I was even pacing the house again at one point. The good thing was it didn’t last. Two days of under the covers or glued to the television screen for distraction and I rose again from the pain and delirium on day three after nine hours of peaceful sleep.

This seems to be the general pattern as I recover. Most days I’m normal and feel part of life again then suddenly I can be hit and have to retreat into my shell. It really is impossible to make head or tail of it all but obviously the brain is learning that I really will not tolerate these waves any longer so it better get its pathways cleared and acting as they should.

Please always remember that everyone has a different recovery and yours may not happen like this. This model of shorter waves and longer windows as time goes on seems pretty common however and eventually, hopefully, the brain will have got itself just right and allow real life to resume unhindered. I do know of some who have turned very fast and woken one morning to be well and others who’ve had no windows and just gradually seen a lessening of symptoms. Whatever happens this always brings recovery. We may be sensitive for a long time afterwards and need to pace ourselves carefully and learn how to deal with any stresses we have to face but the horrors of benzo withdrawal will eventually be laid to rest.